Hyslop on Hot Streak

JJ Hyslop Getting Some Serious WoodHyslop Shows How Nothing Gets By Him

St. Stephen, NB - Right on the heels of a big win by the Twisters last Thursday night, the Hockey Voice has received some inside information about their goalie JJ Hyslop.

An anonymous tipster supplied the Hockey Voice with a photo of Twisters goalie JJ Hyslop that shows some of his secrets. The tipster noted, "JJ plays the angles well and doesn't let any distractions bother him. In this photo, JJ was getting some serious wood and was not at all bothered by it. Firewood 1, JJ 0.""

Alleged Walsh Baby Picture Surfaces

Kingfishers Scramble to Discredit StoryAlleged Baby Picture of Matty Walsh

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Fundy Kingfishers moved swiftly to deflect any possible damage of a picture of Matty Walsh that appeared in the Hockey Voice.

Grade 2 Picture of Jamie Harris

Team spokesman Jamie Harris stepped up to the podium and stated, "You see, this is more of that crap that Taylor and Cunny are throwing around. Now they got that Richardson guy on board. Look out now. He's as crooked as them two, if not worse. They have a supposed picture of me in Grade 2 as well. I'm sick of this crap. I'm cancelling my subscription to the Voice immediately and I urge all REAL hockey fans to do likewise."

Ratz Announce New Advertising Campaign

Stevens Pleased With New CampaignNew Slogan Revealed

Bonny River, NB - The Bonny River Ratz unveiled their new advertising campaign in a press conference this morning. Team Captain Joe Stevens said, "We are entering a new phase in the history of this franchise. We wanted something fresh and also something that will bring in young fans and not alienate our old ones. We feel this has accomplished that goal."

Grandma's Bud First Player of the Week Winner Announced

Anonymous Winner Brings Calls for Review of Process

Winner of Player of Week Award

St. Stephen, NB - In his first day on the job, VP of Operations of the Hockey Voice Chris Richardson was visibly disturbed. He noted, "Here the FIHL goes and gets a sponsor like Grandma's Bud for the player of the week award and already it's being abused. I don't even know who the guy is. I've seen him buzzing around St. Stephen on a bicycle but I don't even know if he plays in the FIHL. I am calling on the league to review the process of how this award is being handed out. Here we obviously have a guy who is baked on some of Grandma's products but I'll be damned if I know who he is. I have a call into the Blackland Twisters head office to see if they know anything about him."

Richardson Accepts New Post at Hockey Voice

Taylor: A New Era at the Hockey Voice

Hockey Voice VP of Operations Chris Richardson

St. Stephen, NB - Hockey Voice Editor-in-Chief Mark Taylor made a shocking announcement this morning that has caught the local hockey world totally by surprise. The Voice announced that effective immediately, Chris Richardson will assume the new position of VP of Operations for the publication. In his duties, Richardson will be responsible for the accuracy and general integrity. According to Taylor, Richardson will receive much the same compensation that recently hired hockey insider Geoff Cunningham was paid.

Richardson met with a scrum of reporters early this morning when the news broke. He noted, "The Hockey Voice is the foremost authority on the local hockey scene and I'm here to ensure that this continues. There never has been anything in the Voice that wasn't checked and double-checked, but Taylor says he just needs another set of eyes and ears around. I heard Cunny got a sweet deal and I'm on the gravy train now too."

Thursday Night FIHL Action

Twisters Late Rally Sinks Ratz

St. Andrews, NB – Chris Young’s second marker of the game in the third period propelled the Blackland Twisters in their defeat of the Bonny River Ratz 6-3 in FIHL Thursday night action in St. Andrews. Jeff Penney, Jordon Morrow, George Estey and Chris Nelson added singles to round out the Twisters’ scoring. J. J. Hyslop stood tall between the pipes to gain the W.
The Ratz got a pair from Jason McFarlane and a single from Greg Justason in response to the Twisters’ offense. Nick Ganong filled in admirably for the Ratz in net and received some shoddy defensive lapses that resulted in goals that were beyond his control.

After the game, Ryan Weatherby of the Twisters said, “The game was tied 3-3 after two periods and we got a rather lucky goal and then the skies seemed to open up for us. This was a good paced game that was a lot of fun to play. There weren’t any penalties called, no cheap stuff and it was well-played at both ends. Hats off to the refs Josh Bagley and Matt Clark for a well officiated game too.”

Ratz goalie Nick Ganong summed up the team’s take on the game by saying, “The Ratz played well in front of me and I was happy to be able to play for them. I’d have to say I was a lot more relaxed playing with them than I was playing against them. The Ratz have a potent attack and carried a lot of the play but the Twisters played a good, smart game tonight. Andrew Moffitt and Greg Justason rang a couple off the post for us that may have changed the game. Sometimes you’re the Louisville Slugger and sometimes you’re the ball.”

Taylor Re-Releases Hit Album

Walking Beside a Bridge Digitally Re-Mastered

Bonny River, NB - It was announced to day that Mark Taylor's hit album "Walking Beside a Bridge" is being digitally re-mastered and re-released. The album include all of the old hits and two new one - "That Bastard's Parents Were Married and Hero of Husky Balls."

Matty Walsh, one of the tune masters biggest fans said, "This album went triple tinfoil in Mayfield and solid rubber in Lake Utopia. It's got all the big hits on it. I've head about the new tunes but haven't heard them yet. Yeah, pretty pumped about this one, man."

Neville Crabbe of CBC Nunavit said, "I love this album and proud to be a part of it. The tune Hero of Husky Balls is about me actually. I live in Husky Balls and when I got there, I went out and played hockey with the gang. I got a hat trick and 5 assists the first night out. I became an instant celebrity and Taylor wrote a tune about me. That's pretty special."

FIHL Announces New Sponsor

Grandma's Bud Signs on with FIHL

A Proud St. Stephen Tradition

Blacks Harbour, NB - FIHL headquarters was all abuzz with the news that Grandma's Bud has signed on a major sponsor. The business will sponsor a weekly player of the week award which will give the winner some homemade products from Grandma's vast line of products. The award is now weeks behind schedule as league officials "forgot all about it, man."

Grandma hopes to be on hand when the awards are given out but says, "The way the cops are now, I don't dare get out on the roads all buzzed up."

Justason Brings Game to New Level

Justason Third in Ratz Scoring

Ratz forward Greg Justason

Bonny River, NB - Greg Justason has put up some impressive numbers so far and feels that playing on the Ratz BIG line with Mark Taylor and Joe Stevens for years helped his game immensely. He added, "Playing with those guys gave me a lot of open ice. I still play the Russian style as my name Crustitsin would suggest. Things seem to be clicking lately for me and I hope it continues."

Stevens Leads Ratz to Victory

Ratz Sink Pirate’s Ship

Blacks Harbour, NB – The term “sloppy” may be a word to describe a lot of things and it would be a good one to describe the tilt between the Bonny River Ratz and the Lepreau Pirates. The Ratz prevailed 8-7 in the see-saw affair.

Joe Stevens of the Ratz showed why he wears the “C’ on his jersey by potting 4 goals including the winner while hot hands Greg Justason and Jim Buchanan each chipped in with a pair. The trio of Buchanan, Stevens and Justason are 1, 2, 3 in team scoring and they showed why figures never lie and liars never figure. The Pirates got their offense from Trevor “Golden Hands” Lomax’s hat trick and Ryan “Pudge” Lee, Keaton McKay, Jay Jones and Greg Buchanan added singletons.

The Pirates first star Trevor Lomax was dejected with the outcome. He said, “We had this game in our hands and let is slip away. That empty net goal by Stevens that made the score 8-6 really hurt us. I was proud of the way the boys rallied after it though and scored while we still had the goalie pulled though. We never have to get motivated to play the Ratz.”
Stevens thought the Ratz were “persistent” in their pursuit of the victory. He noted, “For us to score five goals in the third period when we really needed it was something to see. I liken it to getting the runs. You realize you’re in a mess and then you know you have to move fast to avoid a stinky outcome. That’s what we did tonight.”

Cunny's Crystal Ball #2

Cunningham Makes Bold Predictions

Hockey Voice Psychic Geoff Cunningham

• Reports that Mark Taylor is throwing bombs will prompt FBI officials to search for weapons of mass destruction.
• Newly installed bullshit alarm at Fundy Arena will go off when Matty Walsh talks of how the Kingfishers will win league title again. Evacuation will follow.
• Talks will break down between Kingfishers and XXX on possible deal for Matty Walsh when it is discovered that somebody has thrown in spruce tips instead of fir tips.
• Pirates will insure Trevor Lomax's hands of gold for $1,000,000.

Scammell Breaks Down Before FIHL Game

Ratz Put Fear into Timberwolves' Eric Scammell

Scammell Just Before FIHL Game

Blacks Harbour, NB - Eric Scammell walked into the Fundy Arena Sunday night and was jolted with news of the task ahead of him. He broke down emotionally and struggled at times to regain his composure. He said, "I wasn't under the impression we were playing the Ratz tonight, man. When I got in here and saw them all standing around, it wasn't good. It's not that I'm totally frightened of them but they make me uneasy. I'll be okay. I just have to make sure I look at the schedule from now on."

2008's First Christmas Joke

2008's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'The man from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.The Newfoundlander started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'The Newfie replied, 'These are Carol's.' And So The Christmas SeasonBegins......

Cunningham Defends Hockey Voice

Cunningham: No Biased Reporting toward Ratz

Hockey Voice Chief Analyst Geoff Cunningham

Pennfield, NB - A puzzled Geoff Cunningham says that Josh Bagley and Jamie Harris "should lay off it." Cunningham was responding to charges that the Hockey Voice showed a bias toward the Bonny River Ratz. Cunningham added, "I don't see it really. I went back though the postings and could not find one inaccuracy or any sort of slant toward the Ratz. Fair and balanced is the order of the day for the Hockey Voice. At the Voice we pride ourselves in reporting only the facts of any situation. The Ratz do not have me in their ass pocket, let me tell you."

Ganong Benefits from Ratz Wish Foundation Donation

Ganong to suit up for RatzFIHL Player of the Month Award for November Nick Ganong

St. Stephen, NB - Nick Ganong said he was "shocked" by the news that his application for the Charlotte County Wish Foundation was accepted. Ganong had filed his application quite some time ago and had "given up." His wish was to suit for the Bonny River Ratz again and the word came down this morning and he was accepted. He noted, "I am absolutely ecstatic. Being selected player of the month for November was a highlight and now this. My hockey heroes Chris Richardson, Joe Stevens, Mark Taylor and Andrew Moffitt and me all in the same room? You gotta be frigging kidding me, man! I want to thank Warren Giesbrecht for allowing me this great privilege. "

Ganong is to suit up this Thursday in St. Andrews versus The Blackland Twisters at 8:30 p.m. Some tickets are still available although Ganong has indicated he will have an entourage present.

Bagley and Harris Upset with Biased Reporting

Bagley and Harris Sound Off About The Hockey VoiceJosh Bagley (Top) and Jamie Harris (Bottom) Launch Verbal Attacks

Blacks Harbour, NB - The publication that has won over hockey fans this season has apparently wore thin with at least a couple Fundy Kingfishers players. While covering a game between the Kingfishers and Lepreau Pirates Sunday night, reporter Mark Taylor was verbally attacked by Josh Bagley and Jamie Harris.

Harris was quoted as saying, "Taylor, take that crap and put it in the flush where it belongs! If I come over that glass I will hit you so hard it will kill the both of us." Meanwhile Bagley launched his own tirade. He shouted, "The Hockey Voice is nothing but a bunch of Ratz propaganda created solely for the enjoyment of Ratz Nation and to ridicule Kingfishers players and the management team."

Timberwolves Rolling on the River

FIHL Action

Timberwolves Roll Over River Ratz

Blacks Harbour, NB – Andrew Dugas has had his best against his old mates the Bonny River Ratz and Sunday night was no exception. His Blacks Harbour Timberwolves rolled over the Bonny River Ratz 10-5 in Fundy Industrial Hockley League action on Sunday night. The depleted Ratz made a valiant effort with what they had but the sheer numbers was more than the River Rodents could stand. The one rarity is that there were no penalties in the game. Referees Gordie Anderson and Matt McMullin decided early on that as long as everybody wanted to stick to hockey, they would allow some contact as long as it was not harming anybody and never prevented a scoring opportunity. This formula seemed to work as neither team had any complaints.
Randy Hanley potted a hat trick while Robert “Rocket” Doiron and Jeff Dick netted a pair, and Shane Lee, Brandon Malloy and Adam Clark added singles to round out the Timberwolves attack. Dugas made several key saves and avoided a collapse as the Ratz swarmed the net on many occasions.
The Ratz got a hat trick of their own from the team leader in goals and points Jim Buchanan whole Eric Lee and Kevin Murray added solo markers. Ratz team captain Joe Stevens, while distraught, said, “I am really proud of the boys tonight in the way they never quit and kept hustling. Kevin Murray played an outstanding game on forward. He is making tough for us to send him back on defence.”
Meanwhile Timberwolves captain Dan Levesque was pleased with his team’s performance. He noted, “We seem to have the answer to the Ratz this year. They have beaten the top clubs and yet we have been able to handle them. This definitely gives us a boost as a team. The one thing that does stick out for me is that we have yet to see them with a full squad. When you’re playing in a league like this, no matter what, people have other commitments and it’s to be expected. Regardless, I thought our goalie Andrew Dugas played very well and I’m pleased with our guys.”

Sad Day In Kingfishers Nation

Edna Parker Passes Away at 115Edna Parker Talks to Matty Walsh in recent meeting

Kingfishers biggest supporter / major sponsor has died at the age of 115.

Edna Parker from Indianna, USA, died of a heart attack in her nursing home on Wednesday. Mrs Parker was widowed when she was 48 and even outlived her two sons.

She was rumored to have all but passed on back in 2007 but when the Kingfishers assembled a squad for the first time in over a decade it gave her a reason to keep going. She took a turn for the worse in early November after XXX upset the Kingfishers early into the 08 /09 FIHL season and never got her step back again. She held on long enough to see her Kingfishers get their game back with 2 straight offensive slaughterings of their opponents, which put her at peace with the world once again prior to passing on.
Edna, has seen a lot over her years, such highlights as living through 2 world wars the invention of the not only the television but the radio as well, the evolution of the telephone and 2 Fundy Kingfishers championships. Sources close to the Hockey Voice report that some of her last words included that even if she had lived for another 115 years it wouldn’t be long enough to see St. George XXX win an FIHL championship. On a similar note, Edna made this humourous quote before she died; "If the XXX was really serious about cleaning up the league, why in hell don't they change that name?"

And what was her secret to such a long and active life? She didn't smoke or drink alcohol.

The oldest living person in the world is now though to be 115-year-old Maria de Jesus from Portugal.

The Voice Talks with Former Ratz Star Joe Walsh

Walsh: "I Ain't like the Bare-Assed Ladies Guy"

Joe Walsh in his Toronto Apartment

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - The light has dimmed on the once promising hockey career of former Ratz player Joe Walsh. That doesn't stop him from playing the game he loves and from talking about days gone by and things that could have been. Walsh sat down with Hockey Voice editor Mark Taylor in this riveting interview.

HV: The report is you were released by your last team, Tony's Pizza and Pest Control. What happened?

JW: Me and Tony had it out. I was on this diet I got from Jamie Harris and Tony said ship up or shape out. It wasn't really a fight. It was kinda like soft porn. Lots of clutching and grabbing but hardly any blows. I mean, it wasn't like I was that guy in the Bare-Assed Ladies or something, going around snorting coke and stuff.

HV: What happened with you and the Ratz?

JW: I didn't mind them. Taylor and Stevens are a little much though. They even offered me a front office job in the off season as the controller. It reminded me of a rose garden. It smelled really nice but the place was full of pricks.

HV: How long did you stay?

JW: I stayed a few days and went through some of the records there. When I saw that 1 goal and 2 assists equals 73 points, I knew it wasn't the place for me.

HV: You say Taylor and Stevens are a little much. What does that mean?

JW: It means they are hard to take. Stevens is a complete nut. Taylor is pretty sensible. I do like his music. I have his CD "Walking Beside a Bridge." My all-time favourite of his is "That Bastard's Parents were Married." I dance to that all the time. It's better than Who Let the Dogs Out?

FIHL Reacts to Hit

I like to have fun with this blog and it is something that people seem to enjoy to get a chuckle out of now and again. If it can make people forget about their troubles for a few minutes a day, I have achieved my goal. I also want to be able to give other people a forum to make their views known even if I don't totally agree. I was involved in an altercation Tuesday night with Tom Wilcox of the XXX. Some people may have thought it was okay and some people obviously did not. I am publishing the view of one of the the latter;

Hey Guys,
After a couple of days of thinking about the open ice hit by Mark Taylor to Tom Wilcox and being urged by others, I have decided to send an email. From what was told to me by a couple of Ratz players, the hit Mark gave was pre-planned prior to taking the ice that night. Tom was no where near the puck or play when Mark decided to hit him open ice. The situation sort of took care of itself with Mark and Tom dropping the gloves and scrapping it out. Tom was more then a little pissed after the game and was told that it was settled and that we didn’t want to see anything carry over to the next game. My point is, that we do not want to see any open ice hits, or other hits in that matter, and especially pre-planned ones. Most everybody playing has to get up and work the next day and hitting like that WILL cause someone to get hurt. We play a fun league that of course will have the odd hit or fight but we cannot stand to have people planning a head of time to do this.

I think this should be a warning to you Mark to not let this happen again and that if it carries over the board will have to look at further action to be taken. Personally I don’t believe there was intent to injure and I’m sure that the fight afterwards was the end of it. Any thoughts on the matter are welcome.

Oh yeah, before writing this I did consider who he hit. Tom is definitely an agitator and certainly get his fair share of penalties but this does not justify taking things in your own hands the way it was.

We all signed up to play non-hitting hockey and that is what we should expect to play. We have had to e-mail quite a bit this year regarding incidents but I do hope this will be one of the last ones to be sent.

Cunningham's Revelation Comes True

Cunningham: "Maybe People Can Take Me Serious Now!"

Hockey Voice Analyst and Resident Psychic Geoff Cunningham

Blacks Harbour, NB - Just hours after Hockey Voice psychic Geoff Cunningham published some shocking predictions, one came true in a big way. The first prediction said, "Mark Taylor will break out of scoring slump and lead the Ratz to the 2008-2009 FIHL championship." Cunningham met with reporters late Tuesday night and offered, "Maybe somebody can take me serious now. I thought it was enough that I was associated with such a reputable and respected publication like the Hockey Voice, but I guess not. Taylor not only only broke out of the slump, he notched a Gordie Howe hat trick. It's what the hockey world is calling the Bomb on Tom."

Meanwhile, Ratz headquarters were jumping with phone calls and inquiries. The Ratz beat the previously undefeated XXX 5-2 in FIHL action. Crusty Justason scored two third period goals to lead the charge. Chris Richardson, the aforementioned Mark Taylor and Eric Truman rounded out the scoring. Jason McGrattan and Kris Van Horne potted the two XXX goals.

XXX rookie goalie sensation Nick Ganong sat dejected after the defeat. He noted, "I knew Taylor was crafty, but I never knew about the physical aspect of his game. All I wanted to do was to keep Moffitt and Richardson off the score sheet and I managed to keep Moffitt off. His game has dropped off considerably. He couldn't count his balls twice and get the same number. Maybe curling or cribbage would be more his speed. Give it up man, it's over."

Taylor met briefly with the mob of reporters after the game. He said, "I want to thank Cunny for his great inspiration and the boys said it rubbed off on them. I delivered the message that needed to be done. It was one most guys in the league all know about too. I have had enough of the little chintzy clutching, grabbing, tripping stuff that has gone on since day 1. He smoked Jim O'Halloran one time without the puck, knocking him ass over tea kettle. Elephants have good memories, Ratz are better."

It's Time for Cunny's Crystal Ball

Hockey Voice Analyst Dips into the Unknown Hockey Voice Analyst Geoff Cunningham

Pennfield, NB - It seems that with the Hockey Voice being available to everybody now, the focus of the publication needed to be on the unknown. Luckily, the Hockey Voice has a person on staff that has ultraviolet abilities and he has offered to share them.

Here are just a few things he has to offer:

• Mark Taylor will break out of scoring slump and carry the Ratz to a championship in 2008-2009.
• The Leafs will hold a ceremony celebrating the great career Carlo Coliacovo and Alex Steen had with the club. Wade Belak and Aki Berg to get the same treatment at a later date.
• Jamie Harris will donate goalie pads to homeless people giving them their very own king size bed.
• Jeremy Mahar will be wounded while walking through the woods during next moose season.
• Tie Domi will donate brain to science and his estate will be sued for deception.
• Chris Hoffman will be featured on Tim Horton's Christmas calendar.
• A blockbuster will be shot in St. Stephen in 2009. The working title is Fast Times at Pilltown High and it will feature many FIHL stars.
• Tomas Kaberle will get the starring role in the Pee Wee Herman biopic "I felt like a jerk!"
  

McGrattan: "Our Biggest Test Yet"

"We Have the Poison for the Ratz"

An Emotional Jason McGrattan at Press Conference

St. George, NB - Just hours before his XXX take the ice, Jason McGrattan came out swinging. He noted, "This game tonight versus the Ratz will be our biggest test for us and our rookie goalie Nick Ganong. At first, I thought the constant media glare would affect him, but so far, so good. We have the poison for the Ratz and he's right between the pipes. If we can keep Taylor off the sheet again, we should be in good shape. The rest of them? Couldn't care less. As Bags said earlier - I got 99 problems and the Ratz ain't one of them! The Ratz always seem to keep a few guys high and we have to watch that."

Report: Ratz Gained Unfair Advantage at Big Show

Former Bonny River Olympian Offers Advice to RatzL to R Kevin Murray, Wayne Barrett, Bob Steen and Jim O'Halloran at Big Show

Quispamsis, NB - A report has surfaced that the Bonny River Ratz had received preferential treatment at the Big Show years ago. No dates were revealed in the report. The reports alleges that former 4 Wheeler Silver Medalist at the 2000 Olympics Bob Steen used his influence in games at the Annual Big Show in Quispamsis. Joe Stevens quickly put to rest any substance to the report. Stevens said, "Bob is a pillar in the community and I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing the Ratz had did anything under-handed. Matty Walsh wasn't playing with us then anyway."

Ganong to put Undefeated Record on the Line

XXX to Host Ratz on Tuesday nightXXX Goalie Nick Ganong Meets with Press Monday

St. Stephen, NB - Nick Ganong met briefly on Monday to discuss the upcoming game he is slated to play Tuesday night against the Ratz. Ganong noted, "I have been fortunate so far. To say I am concerned about Chris Richardson or Andrew Moffitt would be a huge exaggeration. They really are a non-factor for me personally. They couldn't piss in the ocean if they were standing on shore."

The duo Ganong makes reference to are former teammates of his with the St. Stephen Seahawks. Ganong left the Seahawks amidst speculation that the XXX made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Meanwhile, Andrew Moffitt offered, "It's the Christmas season and I will light up Ganong like a Christmas Tree. He won't know what hit him."

Richardson's summation was similar. He noted, "I would say Ganong will have some problems with the Ratz. It's a shame his undefeated record will be shattered, but Vegas has the Ratz as odds on favourites. Take a seat Candy man!"

Face from the Past Surfaces in Kingfisher Town

Expert says, "Kingfishers need my Help!"

Former Kingfishers Adviser Reg Lameque

Blacks Harbour, NB - Just after a big 15-4 victory over the Ratz, the Kingfishers camp continues to swirl with rumours that there is a need need for change. Reg Lameque was the former assistant of the club years ago and now apparently has been hired again. Lameque said, "I saw some things Sunday night that need improvement for sure. The Ratz never seemed to be out of the game despite the score. They had the Kingfishers rattled and they seemed to be over-confident. I will make sure this trend does not continue. Plus, I think they only need to double-team Taylor and cut out the triple teaming for now anyway."

Team GM Matty Walsh noted, "We're glad Reg is back. Now maybe I can get some sleep at night. I worry something awful about this team."

Kingfishers Flex Offensive Muscles at Ratz Expense

Walsh and Groom Lead the Way

Walsh and Groom just after triumph Sunday night

Blacks Harbour, NB - Looking to avenge an earlier shootout loss to their rival Bonny River Ratz, the Fundy Kingfishers started strong and coasted to an easy 15 – 4 victory in Sunday night FIHL action at the Fundy Arena. Matty Walsh enjoyed a 4 goal night while team captain Greg Groom tallied a hat trick to lead the attack. Jeremy Mahar, Aaron MacQuarrie and Robin Heelis each added a pair, while Chad Chambers and Frank Richard had singles. Mark Johnson scored a pair for the Ratz and Jim Buchanan and Joe Stevens each had one. Gordie Anderson stood tall between the pipes for the Kingfishers and Warren Giesbrecht took the loss in net for the Ratz.

Despite the high score, Ratz team captain Joe Stevens stood on the podium and defended the goalie. Steven said, “When we got down early which was no fault of Warren’s, we had to gamble a bit and it cost us. Deer season just got over and now our focus is solely on hockey. I think if I was the Kingfishers, there must be some lucky stars out their somewhere to thank. Catching us on the night after deer season definitely affected the outcome of this contest but excuses are for losers but this is a reason and that’s something totally different. ”

Meanwhile a relieved Matty Walsh expressed disbelief at the score. He noted, “I saw they were missing some key guys and we were as well but this league is like that. Everybody has commitments and you never know who is going to show up on any given night. I could feel the Ratz clawing back some momentum and I’m glad the buzzer went when it did. An eleven goal lead is never safe when you’re playing the Ratz. I do want to send a big shout out to Gordie Anderson for being there when we needed him. Good stuff.”

FIHL & Friends Urged to Keep Wayne in their Thoughts

Wayne Barrett of the Ratz Undergoes Serious Operation Nov. 21, 2008Group Picture from November 2007

Blacks Harbour, NB - It was almost a year ago to the day that the FIHL and friends of the FIHL gathered at the Fundy Arena to offer their support to Ratz star Wayne Barrett. Now today he is faced yet another obstacle that is just another in a series that he has gone through. He is undergoing an operation to remove the cancer that has plagued him for a long time. The players and friends of the FIHL are once asked to keep him in your thoughts and prayers and help him fight this powerful enemy. An enemy that wins too often and hopefully, with help Wayne can slay it once and for all.

Here is the write that FIHL alumni member Neville Crabbe wrote in the Saint Croix Courier a year ago.

Hockey buddies support player in cancer fight
Fundy League unites to help Barrett

By NEVILLE CRABBE
sports@stcroixcourier.ca

BLACKS HARBOUR – Players and supporters of the Fundy Industrial Hockey League rallied on Tuesday night in support of an original Bonny River Rat, Wayne Barrett, who was scheduled to begin cancer treatment on Wednesday.
All players signed a giant card emblazoned with pictures of better times that was presented to Barrett by longtime teammate Mark Taylor as part of a care package that included $1,100 pooled together from the five teams and a bottle of Rat Poison, the original Bonny River fightin' wine.
The Blacks Harbour Silverkings, of whom Barrett is a dedicated fan, attending all home and road games, have announced they will donate a portion of their weekly 50/50 draw to ease his trying situation.
Addressing the crowd, Taylor said cancer is something that affects everyone and read an original poem, Hockey Buddies, which appears below. Later, in an e-mail to all FIHL personnel, Taylor praised the collective effort toward this worthy cause.
"I have always said that sports are an excellent place to meet people and to forge new friendships. That was very evident last night. People from all over, young and old, stood united to show Wayne they cared and would not let him go it alone."
After an ovation of clattering sticks slapping the ice the dozens people present lined single file and went past Barrett shaking his hand and wishing him luck in the tough fight that lies ahead.


Hockey Buddies
By MARK TAYLOR

Your hockey buddies are always around,
Whether you’re on the ice or cruising in town,
Sometimes you think they’re all half-baked,
But they’re always there with a roll of tape.

There’s no finer place to get a laugh,
It’s better than a fart while taking a bath,
And now that we’re all super-sizing our gear,
It’s time to sit and swill a few cold beer.

Nobody cries when we don’t win,
Now it usually gets a great big grin,
Because it’s not awards that we’re all after,
It’s all about the sweat and laughter.

When you get involved in a great big fight,
And you are going at it with all your might,
And you think that life just isn’t fair,
You just reach out and we’ll all be there.

Kingfishers Get Team Bus Fixed

Kingfishers "Back on the Road"

Kingfishers' Team Bus Being Repaired Today

Blacks Harbour, NB - Team GM Matty Walsh said he is "pleased" with the news about the team bus. Walsh said, "We want to make the boys don't get picked up with some cold pops and stuff. This is a positive for sure. The problems were with the the rear end and we got 'er all fixed up."

At press time, no word was received what was wrong with the bus or the cost involved.

Walsh and Groom "Worried"

Kingfishers look to next game versus Ratz Sunday nightGreg Groom and Matty Walsh discuss game plan Thursday morning

Lake Utopia, NB - The Kingfishers are scurrying to come up with a game plan for their game against the Ratz this Sunday at 7:40 p.m. Team captain Greg Groom noted, "This is the last week of hunting season and we had hoped to have a sizable lead over the Ratz by now. It ain't happened. We want to keep looking ahead to catch the XXX, but when you have the Ratz breathing down your neck, you have to pay attention, man."

Meanwhile, Matty Walsh was upbeat about their chances. He said, "They are coming off a big win and that's not good. We have to keep a positive attitude and hope that Taylor doesn't strike for 4 or 5 early ones like we know he can."

League Reaffirms its Mandate

The FIHL strives to be everything to everybody but as with most organizations, sometimes we come up short and people are not happy about something that affects them directly. You can liken this to people who don't mind law enforcement officials until they get charged with an offense personally. Recently, the league was questioned about a ruling and who was on the board and what rights they had to pass down punishment, and other powers. The backlash came as a surprise to many as it came from one of the original founders of the FIHL. He had participated in the establishment of the framework of rules that would become the league constitution. The FIHL is not Mark Taylor, nor is Mark Taylor the FIHL. It is not the Ratz or Kingfishers. It is all of us that are in this together.

If we want this league to survive the test of time and be able to pass it on to the kids up and coming, we damn well better police ourselves and ensure it is something we can all be proud of. The "new guys" think this league is the cat's ass. They are thankful to have a place where they can play and have fun, meet new people and form new friendships.

This morning Justin Sweeney sent an e-mail to Jack MacNeill of the Ratz who was hurt in our game Monday night in St. Andrews. He wanted to show his heartfelt sympathy about what happened and wanted to wish him all the best. This is what this league SHOULD be about.

We all need to think about that.

Just to reiterate what the purpose of this league is, here is a word for word summation taken from the league constitution.

PURPOSE:
To establish and operate a social/recreational hockey league in the Eastern Charlotte County area. The recreational league is open to all players 19 years of age and over. This league has been formed for the enjoyment, exercise, participation of its members. Its members are expected to exemplify sportsmanship, and conduct themselves in a manner, such that they will not be penalized. However in the heat of competition, incidents will occur. For this reason it is necessary to highlight the following rules under which the league operations.


FIRSTLY, LET’S ALL REMEMBER THAT THE FIHL IS ABOUT THE LOVE OF THE GAME. THERE ARE NO NHL SCOUTS WAITING IN THE WINGS. PLAY HARD BUT FAIR AND HAVE FUN.


CONCEPT STATEMENT:
The FIHL is intended to be a social/recreational league to provide enjoyment, exercise and a chance to network with fellow members. It must stress that this is a fun league and while each player and team is encouraged to play to the best of their ability, the league discourages the concept of win at all cost.
The league is open to all players 19 years of age and over and is a non-contact league. The league is for players who display good sportsmanship, team play and respect for others.
The directors of the league will be composed of representatives from each team and they have committed to dedicate their time and effort to manage the league in a fair manner.

Hoffman Applauds Change in Officiating

Hoffman: "Good Move by FIHL Officials"

Kingfishers Chris Hoffman on right while out hunting

Blacks Harbour, NB - Chris Hoffman was very laid back in his approach with the media on Tuesday. He noted, "I am glad to see that stick swinging is back in vogue. It has been gone too long in my books. You can swing it around the shoulders and neck area with no problems now. For awhile, I thought we were going backwards, but this league is a progressive one. I've said that from the start. Looking forward to doing some windmilling myself just like the rest of the boys."

Hockey Hall of Fame Goes Through New Brunswick

Hockey Fans Flock to Honour Their Heroes

Matty Walsh Poses with Mark Taylor's 800th Goal Puck

Saint John, NB - Along with the entourage of the QMJHL and the touring Russian hockey team, the Hockey Hall of Fame was along with some of its mementos. Hockey fans can go to Harbour Station and check out the display. Matty Walsh was on hand and got a chance to see the 800th puck that Mark Taylor fired. Walsh said, "I haven't seen it in awhile but the thrill never goes away with that stuff you know. Even though I hope he doesn't score 900 against the Kingfishers, I do hope I'm there when it happens whoever it is against. It's really just a matter of time."

Walsh: Kingfishers Do Not Have the Crabbes this Season

Kingfishers Trim Roster

Former Kingfishers Prospect Stephen Crabbe

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh announced at a hastily called press conference that "the Kingfishers and Stephen Crabbe are moving in different directions." Crabbe had skated with the Kingfishers earlier and had expressed some interest in him. Walsh noted, "We had Neville Crabbe last year and sent him packing. It's really a numbers game with us and Steve got caught up in it. We apologize for any inconvenience or damage we may have caused to the Crabbes. In any case, I'm really glad I don't have the Crabbes this year."

League Reiterates Position on Under Age Players

League Not a Home for Players Under 19 Years of Age

Blacks Harbour, NB - During the league meetings prior to the 2008-2009, a constitution was ratified for the FIHL. All members agreed it was necessary and all agreed on the content. In that document, there is a very precise ruling that deals with under age players. The league has already had to deal with one infraction and just to clarify the league's position, a follow up letter was sent to the offending team to ensure they are in compliance with the rule. Failure to adhere to the league's rule will result in further action being taken by the League Board. It is in our best interest to police ourselves and not have to be told by an outside body that we are breaking their rules.

We know of one team that has broken the league rules and we all have to be aware that if one of our players or teams does the same, they will be dealt with in the same fair and brisk manner.

Timberlwolves Hammer Ratz, Kingfishers Fall

Dugas Feeling Good After Big Win

Timberwolves Goalie Andrew Dugas Meets with Press

Blacks Harbour, NB - It's been a long time since Andrew Dugas left the Bonny River Ratz amidst speculation of contract issues and partying problems. However, he says, "I harbour no resentment toward those guys but when I step on the ice, they are just like the other idiots in the league. We tuned them good tonight." Dugas was speaking of the 10-3 shellacking his Timberwolves laid on the Ratz in Sunday night action in the FIHL.

Meanwhile, Ratz assistant captain Jim Buchanan saw things differently. He noted, "Geez, they had more guys than the Canadian Army. Standing room only. We came out flat and stayed that way. I was trying to think of somebody that had a good game but can't. Ya can't polish a turd boys."

The XXX stayed undefeated by beating arch-rivals Kingfishers 11-7.

Borthwick Selling Miracle Hair Growth Hormones

Amazing Discovery In St. George

Jared Borthwick Sports New Hair

St. George, NB - Jared Bortwick's FIHL career is a bust but that hasn't stopped him from pursuing a new venture with the League. Borthwick said, "I realize I couldn't cut it with them guys so I thought I'd be crazy not to try something else. I have this new stuff that will grow hair almost immediately. If you want hockey hair, I can get it for you. I am notifying everybody that if you come up to me and tell me you saw me in the Hockey Voice, I will give you 25 % off a new do. That's just what I'm all about man. It will grow hair on your foot a bag long!"

Ratz Start Busy Schedule after 12 Day Lay Off

Stevens Confident Going into Weekend ActionJoe Stevens meets with press

Bonny River, NB - The Ratz have been off the ice but have not been sitting still according to team captain Joe Stevens. Stevens said, "We are in the middle of deer season and we have 5 out of a possible 6 points. We have back to back games Sunday and Monday so it will be a test for sure. We play the Timberwolves Sunday night at 7:40 and then we travel to St. Andrews Monday to play NBCC. Then we have a bit of a break on next Sunday, the 23rd when we play the Kingfishers. I know the boys have been working out since our last game are very eager to get back on the ice. As I've said before, when shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes."

Harris Encouraged by Results of Hockey Voice Poll

Harris: "It was more than I Expected!" Jamie Harris in happier times swilling booze from Fish Bowl

Blacks Harbour, NB - The on again and off again General Manager of the Fundy Kingfishers Jamie Harris sat back and reflected upon the recent reader's poll in the Hockey Voice. Harris noted, "When a very reputable publication like the Hockey Voice says something, everybody listens, man. The recent reader poll that dealt with the possible moving of Matty Walsh from our team says a great deal and we are encouraged by the results in that 35 % of the people say they would take him for some sticks of tips. We now know we are in a good position. Tips are hovering around .20 per lb. and that's good dough. The part that disturbs me is the 30 % of the participants said they were not interested. Nevertheless, this is food for thought and thanks for the banquet."

Bettman Likes FIHL

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman Comments on FIHL Two Different Pictures of Gary Bettman

Blacks Harbour, NB - Gary Bettman stopped by FIHL headquarters recently and met with league officials. Bettman said, "I have been watching the FIHL since it started. Some of the players have amazing stats and although I can't tell NHL clubs what players to draft, there's certainly NHL caliber players here. A guy like Mark Taylor with 850 goals certainly stands out. Joe Stevens with 1,000 assists is another. Of course, there's people who say the two are connected, but I would say they both should go. Doesn't anybody remember Jari Kurri and Wayne Gretzky?"

XXX Soaring at Top of Standings

McGrattan Rocking Hard

General Manager Jason "Juggy" McGrattan

St. George, NB - The undefeated St. George XXX are out of the gate with a perfect 4-0 record and Jason McGrattan says he "couldn't be happier." McGrattan noted, "We've had some tough battles and will have our hands full Sunday night when we play the Kingfishers at 9:10. We somehow managed to keep Taylor under a hat trick and beat the Ratz too. It's all good dawg. Also, I see on the Hockey Voice reader's poll that Walsh is being shopped around and it's a toss up between not being interested and a few sticks of tips. I had offered a couple Anne Murray cassettes for him and was waiting to hear back. One of them was a Christmas tape too so you know that's gonna be popular at this time of year."

Mysterious Visitors at Kingfishers Headquarters

Harris and Walsh Tight-Lipped About IdentitiesMr. & Mrs. X at Kingfishers Headquarters on the Weekend

Blacks Harbour, NB - Neither Matty Walsh or Jamie Harris would offer any explanations about visitors caught on camera over the weekend at Kingfishers headquarters. Walsh did note, "They are part of our training program, okay? Is there no privacy left in this world? They both work out regularly obviously and want to bring that same regiment to our team. Harris has been following it for quite some time and swears by it. The key is to put on weight for the the summer so you can get a big tan and then knock it all off on during the winter."

Pirates Fan Comes to Defense of Club

Blackier-Lomax says: "The Boys Ain't Done Nuthin' Wrong!"

Bubby Lomax-Blackier

Lepreau, NB - The Lepreau Pirates' biggest supporter Buddy Lomax-Blackier spoke out about their recent controversy in a press conference. He noted, "Trev and Doobie are the pillars of the community. The boys ain't done nuthin' wrong. The league has blue-balled them and that ain't right! I ain't lying through my tooth either."

The outburst was in response to the forfeiting of last Tuesday's victory where it was found the Pirates had used ineligible players in a game against the NBCC St. Andrews team.

Harris and Hoffman at Odds

Harris: Clean Up Your Act or Get Out!

Kingfishers Goalie Jamie Harris
Kingfishers Star Chris Hoffman

Blacks Harbour, NB - Jamie Harris said that Chris Hoffman's long hair and sloppy dress has him "at the end of his wire." Harris said, "When is this guy gonna learn? I thought that when he got a job, he would straighten up but it hasn't happened."
Hoffman, speaking from an undisclosed Tim Horton's, noted, "What? You expect me to listen to some dude wearing a mask and crazy T shirts? This guy doesn't even have a position in management anymore. He's barely the goalie from what I'm hearing and seeing. Next question please!"

Cunningham Shows Both Sides

Cunningham: Hockey is hard and you can't lick it by being soft!

Cunningham after talks broke down with Ratz

Cunningham leaving Hockey Voice Headquarters

Pennfield, NB - Geoff Cunningham says he makes no apologies for his stinging criticisms of personalities in the FIHL. He noted, "I'm like 80's music. You either hate me or love me but if you listen to me enough, I starts to grow on ya, know what I'm saying? Walsh told me I made him feel like a jerk and I thought that only porn could do that to him so there ya go."

Cartoon Rears its Ugly Head Again

Ratz Threaten Legal Action

Bonny River, NB - The Ratz issued a stern warning against anybody who wants to defame the clean image of this historic team. Joe Stevens said, "This cartoon portrays a bunch of ratz sitting around eating pizza and drinking beer. I'll have you know the Bonny River Ratz have never had pizza in their dressing room EVER. We have sought legal counsel and will use whatever is necessary to put a stop to this."

The Voice Looks Back: Top 10 Hockey Stories of 2005

The Hockey Voice

December 28, 2005 Year End Edition $5.95 Canadian

“The one voice to listen to when you are listening to voices.”

Top 10 Hockey Stories of 2005

10 Ratz fail in attempt to repeat as champs in Quispamis Play Offs. Team owner Joe Stevens blames poor goaltending and boozing for the setback
Taylor leads tourney in blocked shots and hits for second consecutive year. Taylor continues to be one of the most feared guys on blades.
8. Matty Walsh and Shane Smith are the subject of trade talks. Stevens looking at adding Slug as the answer to the lack of toughness in the Ratz line up.
7. Joe Stevens adds 500th assist. Stevens credits the many years of skating with Mark Taylor as the reason for the success.
6. Taylor posts .949 save percentage to establish himself as the premier goalie in the world. Taylor faced 1063 shots and yielded only 28 goals.
5. Mark Taylor pots 800th career goal on assist from Joe Stevens. Stevens’ backhand pass to Taylor in the slot eludes perennial all star goalie Gordie Anderson. Anderson later presented Taylor with a plaque and the history-making puck.
4. Stevens has a look at several of the Silver Kings and gives them two big thumbs down. Groom, Matheson, MacFarlane and Spear all sent packing in tough training camp. Shane Smith and Matt Walsh barely make the team.
3. Taylor turns down Team Canada invite in order to concentrate on Ratz training camp.
2. Bonny River Bucks owner Joe Stevens opens up purse strings after taking softball championship, signs Taylor. Stevens called this, “The Missing Piece to the puzzle.”
1. Taylor lays “Bod on Wad,” and receives rave reviews from teammates.

Wright Issues Ultimatum

Kenny Wright Wants Better Treatment from Kingfishers

Kenny Wright Holds Matty Walsh Captive

Blacks Harbour, NB - Controversy continues to swirl around the Kingfishers camp. Now it's Kenny Wright who feels he is not being treated fairly. Wright said, "I never know who's running this show. Some people say it's Harris and some people say it's Walsh. I took it into my own hands to get some things straightened out. My name isn't Kenny Wrong just in case anybody's wondering!"

Kingfishers Team Meeting

Walsh, who was attending a meeting, issued the following statement:

"Although I have the deepest sympathy for Mr. Wright and his trials and tribulations, it would be foolhardy for me to make a comment on an issue that is being dealt with internally as we speak."

Rusty Blades Report

RUSTY BLADES REPORT
By

TURD FERGUSON

ST. STEPHEN – The St. Stephen Mehan's Funeral Home Blues continue to pull away from the pack after securing their league-best eighth win of the season on Sunday – a 6-3 victory over the St. Stephen Alpines at the Border Arena.

Blues player/coach Peter McCormick was not happy, despite the win.
"We weren't at our best. We came out flat but I guess it was kind of a typical early November sleeper," he said. "We can be better and we're going to have to be but sometimes good teams have to win ugly."
The Blues are next in action Wednesday night in St. Andrews for a tilt with the Quoddy Bay Fish Market Brass Bull Moosehead Senators. The teams have met just once this season, a Blues win against a depleted St. Andrews lineup that was patched up with call-ups from what looked to be middle school. The Blues are planning to start back-up goaltender Charlie Estey, giving workhorse Chuck Brown a much-needed rest after playing the first nine games of the season.
At 8-1-0-0 the Blues have now mathematically secured a playoff berth and are now looking to lock up home ice through to the final. Their sole loss this year was a 4-3 decision to the Waweig Warriors.

Harris Continues in Power Struggle

Harris Angry over Mixed Messages

Kingfishers Goalie Jamie Harris

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Hockey Voice became embroiled in a feud with Jamie Harris over what he felt was a lack of coverage on him personally. Harris said, "I sent in legitimate stories to the Voice in hopes they would get published. Then, I find out they (Hockey Voice) is taking submissions from Matty Walsh left, right and center. Walsh has nothing to do with the day to day affairs of the team and I am the one who should be in charge of press releases. I'm sick up and fed of the way he is always reporting things he has no right to do."

Walsh offered no comment as he feels Harris is delusional and doesn't want to upset him anymore.

Hugh Hefner's Brothers Visit Charlotte County

Walsh Confirms Celebrity IdentitiesJason and Scott Hefner on the Magaguadavic

St. George, NB - Matty Walsh snagged a very rare photo of Playboy owner Hugh Hefner's brothers Jason and Scott. Walsh said, "I didn't know who they were but Jamie Harris said he met them at the Playboy Mansion the last time he was there. They seem to be normal everyday guys and like to party."

Cunningham Analyzes Data from Hockey Voice Poll

Kingfishers Picked to Repeat as Champs for 3rd Year in a Row

Hockey Voice Insider "Funky G"

Pennfield, NB - The very first Hockey Voice on-line poll is now complete and Geoff Cunningham feels it shows the following the Kingfishers have, but will bear little resemblance to the final outcome. Out of a possible 35 votes, the Birds captured 11 votes. Cunningham said, "Walsh got a hold of his buddies and parents and did this. It's really a bunch of crap. The ones to watch are the Ratz. I saw Taylor the other night and he's in the same shape he'll be in at Christmas. The Hockey Voice tries to do something scientific like this poll and we get idiots watering down the results."

Lepreau Penalized for Improper Conduct

Fundy Industrial Hockey League

For Immediate Release

On November 4, 2008 a game was played between the Lepreau Pirates and NBCC St. Andrews at the Fundy Arena. During the contest it became very obvious that many players on the Lepreau team were not totally concerned with just playing hockey. Their behaviour is not what this league is all about. After some investigation it also came to light that many players on the team were ineligible due to being under the age of 19. This is a direct contravention of the first rule in our constitution that deals with eligibility. (Please see below.)
ELIGIBILITY:
FIHL: Must be 19 years of age or older. That is, players cannot play until their 19th birthday.) If there is a question of age eligibility, the player in question must provide identification.
The main reason the league adopted a constitution was to have a document that the league can revert to in cases like this. Therefore, the league has no other option than to award the win to NBCC St. Andrews by a score of 1-0. Failure to correct the current situation will result in more discipline.

UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT:
Any league member attending a scheduled game is subject to the rules and discipline of the league. Members who, in the opinion of the referees or league executive, conduct themselves in an unsportsmanlike manner may be subject to suspension.
Although nothing has been recorded by the officials on hand and certainly, they are not held responsible in this matter, it is understood that players were encouraged to engage in rough play. This cannot be tolerated. The league came down on the NBCC team for such behaviour already and to look the other way in this case is not acceptable. If this behaviour continues, the league board will have no other option than to expel or suspend players that are seen to be the root of the problem. As I noted in an earlier e-mail, this league not only has to be fair and balanced, it has to be seen to be fair and balanced in its handling of league affairs.
At the time of this letter, it was not possible to get the opinions of the 5 teams other than the participants, but enough of a consensus was gathered to carry this discipline.

Sincerely,
Mark Taylor
Matty Walsh
Ryan Weatherby
Jason McGrattan