Grandma's Bud Player of the Week Identity Revealed

Twisters' D-Man Bud Green the First Winner of Player of the Week Award

Bud Green

St. Stephen, NB - Hockey Voice VP of Operations Chris Richardson said he met with Blackland Twisters officials late Sunday and discovered the man in a previous Voice story was one of their defensemen. Richardson noted, "His name is Bud Green. He is all over the place for the Twisters apparently. He sees all of the ice, happy-go-lucky attitude, and has his eyes on the prize."

Richardson said it is his job to substantiate stories and make sure they are accurate. He noted, "I'm not about to let something untrue be posted on the Hockey Voice. Taylor has built up a huge following with this and to let one little piece ruin its integrity, would be catastrophic."

Hyslop on Hot Streak

JJ Hyslop Getting Some Serious WoodHyslop Shows How Nothing Gets By Him

St. Stephen, NB - Right on the heels of a big win by the Twisters last Thursday night, the Hockey Voice has received some inside information about their goalie JJ Hyslop.

An anonymous tipster supplied the Hockey Voice with a photo of Twisters goalie JJ Hyslop that shows some of his secrets. The tipster noted, "JJ plays the angles well and doesn't let any distractions bother him. In this photo, JJ was getting some serious wood and was not at all bothered by it. Firewood 1, JJ 0.""

Alleged Walsh Baby Picture Surfaces

Kingfishers Scramble to Discredit StoryAlleged Baby Picture of Matty Walsh

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Fundy Kingfishers moved swiftly to deflect any possible damage of a picture of Matty Walsh that appeared in the Hockey Voice.

Grade 2 Picture of Jamie Harris

Team spokesman Jamie Harris stepped up to the podium and stated, "You see, this is more of that crap that Taylor and Cunny are throwing around. Now they got that Richardson guy on board. Look out now. He's as crooked as them two, if not worse. They have a supposed picture of me in Grade 2 as well. I'm sick of this crap. I'm cancelling my subscription to the Voice immediately and I urge all REAL hockey fans to do likewise."

Ratz Announce New Advertising Campaign

Stevens Pleased With New CampaignNew Slogan Revealed

Bonny River, NB - The Bonny River Ratz unveiled their new advertising campaign in a press conference this morning. Team Captain Joe Stevens said, "We are entering a new phase in the history of this franchise. We wanted something fresh and also something that will bring in young fans and not alienate our old ones. We feel this has accomplished that goal."

Grandma's Bud First Player of the Week Winner Announced

Anonymous Winner Brings Calls for Review of Process

Winner of Player of Week Award

St. Stephen, NB - In his first day on the job, VP of Operations of the Hockey Voice Chris Richardson was visibly disturbed. He noted, "Here the FIHL goes and gets a sponsor like Grandma's Bud for the player of the week award and already it's being abused. I don't even know who the guy is. I've seen him buzzing around St. Stephen on a bicycle but I don't even know if he plays in the FIHL. I am calling on the league to review the process of how this award is being handed out. Here we obviously have a guy who is baked on some of Grandma's products but I'll be damned if I know who he is. I have a call into the Blackland Twisters head office to see if they know anything about him."

Richardson Accepts New Post at Hockey Voice

Taylor: A New Era at the Hockey Voice

Hockey Voice VP of Operations Chris Richardson

St. Stephen, NB - Hockey Voice Editor-in-Chief Mark Taylor made a shocking announcement this morning that has caught the local hockey world totally by surprise. The Voice announced that effective immediately, Chris Richardson will assume the new position of VP of Operations for the publication. In his duties, Richardson will be responsible for the accuracy and general integrity. According to Taylor, Richardson will receive much the same compensation that recently hired hockey insider Geoff Cunningham was paid.

Richardson met with a scrum of reporters early this morning when the news broke. He noted, "The Hockey Voice is the foremost authority on the local hockey scene and I'm here to ensure that this continues. There never has been anything in the Voice that wasn't checked and double-checked, but Taylor says he just needs another set of eyes and ears around. I heard Cunny got a sweet deal and I'm on the gravy train now too."

Thursday Night FIHL Action

Twisters Late Rally Sinks Ratz

St. Andrews, NB – Chris Young’s second marker of the game in the third period propelled the Blackland Twisters in their defeat of the Bonny River Ratz 6-3 in FIHL Thursday night action in St. Andrews. Jeff Penney, Jordon Morrow, George Estey and Chris Nelson added singles to round out the Twisters’ scoring. J. J. Hyslop stood tall between the pipes to gain the W.
The Ratz got a pair from Jason McFarlane and a single from Greg Justason in response to the Twisters’ offense. Nick Ganong filled in admirably for the Ratz in net and received some shoddy defensive lapses that resulted in goals that were beyond his control.

After the game, Ryan Weatherby of the Twisters said, “The game was tied 3-3 after two periods and we got a rather lucky goal and then the skies seemed to open up for us. This was a good paced game that was a lot of fun to play. There weren’t any penalties called, no cheap stuff and it was well-played at both ends. Hats off to the refs Josh Bagley and Matt Clark for a well officiated game too.”

Ratz goalie Nick Ganong summed up the team’s take on the game by saying, “The Ratz played well in front of me and I was happy to be able to play for them. I’d have to say I was a lot more relaxed playing with them than I was playing against them. The Ratz have a potent attack and carried a lot of the play but the Twisters played a good, smart game tonight. Andrew Moffitt and Greg Justason rang a couple off the post for us that may have changed the game. Sometimes you’re the Louisville Slugger and sometimes you’re the ball.”

Taylor Re-Releases Hit Album

Walking Beside a Bridge Digitally Re-Mastered

Bonny River, NB - It was announced to day that Mark Taylor's hit album "Walking Beside a Bridge" is being digitally re-mastered and re-released. The album include all of the old hits and two new one - "That Bastard's Parents Were Married and Hero of Husky Balls."

Matty Walsh, one of the tune masters biggest fans said, "This album went triple tinfoil in Mayfield and solid rubber in Lake Utopia. It's got all the big hits on it. I've head about the new tunes but haven't heard them yet. Yeah, pretty pumped about this one, man."

Neville Crabbe of CBC Nunavit said, "I love this album and proud to be a part of it. The tune Hero of Husky Balls is about me actually. I live in Husky Balls and when I got there, I went out and played hockey with the gang. I got a hat trick and 5 assists the first night out. I became an instant celebrity and Taylor wrote a tune about me. That's pretty special."

FIHL Announces New Sponsor

Grandma's Bud Signs on with FIHL

A Proud St. Stephen Tradition

Blacks Harbour, NB - FIHL headquarters was all abuzz with the news that Grandma's Bud has signed on a major sponsor. The business will sponsor a weekly player of the week award which will give the winner some homemade products from Grandma's vast line of products. The award is now weeks behind schedule as league officials "forgot all about it, man."

Grandma hopes to be on hand when the awards are given out but says, "The way the cops are now, I don't dare get out on the roads all buzzed up."

Justason Brings Game to New Level

Justason Third in Ratz Scoring

Ratz forward Greg Justason

Bonny River, NB - Greg Justason has put up some impressive numbers so far and feels that playing on the Ratz BIG line with Mark Taylor and Joe Stevens for years helped his game immensely. He added, "Playing with those guys gave me a lot of open ice. I still play the Russian style as my name Crustitsin would suggest. Things seem to be clicking lately for me and I hope it continues."

Stevens Leads Ratz to Victory

Ratz Sink Pirate’s Ship

Blacks Harbour, NB – The term “sloppy” may be a word to describe a lot of things and it would be a good one to describe the tilt between the Bonny River Ratz and the Lepreau Pirates. The Ratz prevailed 8-7 in the see-saw affair.

Joe Stevens of the Ratz showed why he wears the “C’ on his jersey by potting 4 goals including the winner while hot hands Greg Justason and Jim Buchanan each chipped in with a pair. The trio of Buchanan, Stevens and Justason are 1, 2, 3 in team scoring and they showed why figures never lie and liars never figure. The Pirates got their offense from Trevor “Golden Hands” Lomax’s hat trick and Ryan “Pudge” Lee, Keaton McKay, Jay Jones and Greg Buchanan added singletons.

The Pirates first star Trevor Lomax was dejected with the outcome. He said, “We had this game in our hands and let is slip away. That empty net goal by Stevens that made the score 8-6 really hurt us. I was proud of the way the boys rallied after it though and scored while we still had the goalie pulled though. We never have to get motivated to play the Ratz.”
Stevens thought the Ratz were “persistent” in their pursuit of the victory. He noted, “For us to score five goals in the third period when we really needed it was something to see. I liken it to getting the runs. You realize you’re in a mess and then you know you have to move fast to avoid a stinky outcome. That’s what we did tonight.”

Cunny's Crystal Ball #2

Cunningham Makes Bold Predictions

Hockey Voice Psychic Geoff Cunningham

• Reports that Mark Taylor is throwing bombs will prompt FBI officials to search for weapons of mass destruction.
• Newly installed bullshit alarm at Fundy Arena will go off when Matty Walsh talks of how the Kingfishers will win league title again. Evacuation will follow.
• Talks will break down between Kingfishers and XXX on possible deal for Matty Walsh when it is discovered that somebody has thrown in spruce tips instead of fir tips.
• Pirates will insure Trevor Lomax's hands of gold for $1,000,000.

Scammell Breaks Down Before FIHL Game

Ratz Put Fear into Timberwolves' Eric Scammell

Scammell Just Before FIHL Game

Blacks Harbour, NB - Eric Scammell walked into the Fundy Arena Sunday night and was jolted with news of the task ahead of him. He broke down emotionally and struggled at times to regain his composure. He said, "I wasn't under the impression we were playing the Ratz tonight, man. When I got in here and saw them all standing around, it wasn't good. It's not that I'm totally frightened of them but they make me uneasy. I'll be okay. I just have to make sure I look at the schedule from now on."

2008's First Christmas Joke

2008's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'The man from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.The Newfoundlander started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'The Newfie replied, 'These are Carol's.' And So The Christmas SeasonBegins......

Cunningham Defends Hockey Voice

Cunningham: No Biased Reporting toward Ratz

Hockey Voice Chief Analyst Geoff Cunningham

Pennfield, NB - A puzzled Geoff Cunningham says that Josh Bagley and Jamie Harris "should lay off it." Cunningham was responding to charges that the Hockey Voice showed a bias toward the Bonny River Ratz. Cunningham added, "I don't see it really. I went back though the postings and could not find one inaccuracy or any sort of slant toward the Ratz. Fair and balanced is the order of the day for the Hockey Voice. At the Voice we pride ourselves in reporting only the facts of any situation. The Ratz do not have me in their ass pocket, let me tell you."

Ganong Benefits from Ratz Wish Foundation Donation

Ganong to suit up for RatzFIHL Player of the Month Award for November Nick Ganong

St. Stephen, NB - Nick Ganong said he was "shocked" by the news that his application for the Charlotte County Wish Foundation was accepted. Ganong had filed his application quite some time ago and had "given up." His wish was to suit for the Bonny River Ratz again and the word came down this morning and he was accepted. He noted, "I am absolutely ecstatic. Being selected player of the month for November was a highlight and now this. My hockey heroes Chris Richardson, Joe Stevens, Mark Taylor and Andrew Moffitt and me all in the same room? You gotta be frigging kidding me, man! I want to thank Warren Giesbrecht for allowing me this great privilege. "

Ganong is to suit up this Thursday in St. Andrews versus The Blackland Twisters at 8:30 p.m. Some tickets are still available although Ganong has indicated he will have an entourage present.

Bagley and Harris Upset with Biased Reporting

Bagley and Harris Sound Off About The Hockey VoiceJosh Bagley (Top) and Jamie Harris (Bottom) Launch Verbal Attacks

Blacks Harbour, NB - The publication that has won over hockey fans this season has apparently wore thin with at least a couple Fundy Kingfishers players. While covering a game between the Kingfishers and Lepreau Pirates Sunday night, reporter Mark Taylor was verbally attacked by Josh Bagley and Jamie Harris.

Harris was quoted as saying, "Taylor, take that crap and put it in the flush where it belongs! If I come over that glass I will hit you so hard it will kill the both of us." Meanwhile Bagley launched his own tirade. He shouted, "The Hockey Voice is nothing but a bunch of Ratz propaganda created solely for the enjoyment of Ratz Nation and to ridicule Kingfishers players and the management team."

Timberwolves Rolling on the River

FIHL Action

Timberwolves Roll Over River Ratz

Blacks Harbour, NB – Andrew Dugas has had his best against his old mates the Bonny River Ratz and Sunday night was no exception. His Blacks Harbour Timberwolves rolled over the Bonny River Ratz 10-5 in Fundy Industrial Hockley League action on Sunday night. The depleted Ratz made a valiant effort with what they had but the sheer numbers was more than the River Rodents could stand. The one rarity is that there were no penalties in the game. Referees Gordie Anderson and Matt McMullin decided early on that as long as everybody wanted to stick to hockey, they would allow some contact as long as it was not harming anybody and never prevented a scoring opportunity. This formula seemed to work as neither team had any complaints.
Randy Hanley potted a hat trick while Robert “Rocket” Doiron and Jeff Dick netted a pair, and Shane Lee, Brandon Malloy and Adam Clark added singles to round out the Timberwolves attack. Dugas made several key saves and avoided a collapse as the Ratz swarmed the net on many occasions.
The Ratz got a hat trick of their own from the team leader in goals and points Jim Buchanan whole Eric Lee and Kevin Murray added solo markers. Ratz team captain Joe Stevens, while distraught, said, “I am really proud of the boys tonight in the way they never quit and kept hustling. Kevin Murray played an outstanding game on forward. He is making tough for us to send him back on defence.”
Meanwhile Timberwolves captain Dan Levesque was pleased with his team’s performance. He noted, “We seem to have the answer to the Ratz this year. They have beaten the top clubs and yet we have been able to handle them. This definitely gives us a boost as a team. The one thing that does stick out for me is that we have yet to see them with a full squad. When you’re playing in a league like this, no matter what, people have other commitments and it’s to be expected. Regardless, I thought our goalie Andrew Dugas played very well and I’m pleased with our guys.”

Sad Day In Kingfishers Nation

Edna Parker Passes Away at 115Edna Parker Talks to Matty Walsh in recent meeting

Kingfishers biggest supporter / major sponsor has died at the age of 115.

Edna Parker from Indianna, USA, died of a heart attack in her nursing home on Wednesday. Mrs Parker was widowed when she was 48 and even outlived her two sons.

She was rumored to have all but passed on back in 2007 but when the Kingfishers assembled a squad for the first time in over a decade it gave her a reason to keep going. She took a turn for the worse in early November after XXX upset the Kingfishers early into the 08 /09 FIHL season and never got her step back again. She held on long enough to see her Kingfishers get their game back with 2 straight offensive slaughterings of their opponents, which put her at peace with the world once again prior to passing on.
Edna, has seen a lot over her years, such highlights as living through 2 world wars the invention of the not only the television but the radio as well, the evolution of the telephone and 2 Fundy Kingfishers championships. Sources close to the Hockey Voice report that some of her last words included that even if she had lived for another 115 years it wouldn’t be long enough to see St. George XXX win an FIHL championship. On a similar note, Edna made this humourous quote before she died; "If the XXX was really serious about cleaning up the league, why in hell don't they change that name?"

And what was her secret to such a long and active life? She didn't smoke or drink alcohol.

The oldest living person in the world is now though to be 115-year-old Maria de Jesus from Portugal.

The Voice Talks with Former Ratz Star Joe Walsh

Walsh: "I Ain't like the Bare-Assed Ladies Guy"

Joe Walsh in his Toronto Apartment

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - The light has dimmed on the once promising hockey career of former Ratz player Joe Walsh. That doesn't stop him from playing the game he loves and from talking about days gone by and things that could have been. Walsh sat down with Hockey Voice editor Mark Taylor in this riveting interview.

HV: The report is you were released by your last team, Tony's Pizza and Pest Control. What happened?

JW: Me and Tony had it out. I was on this diet I got from Jamie Harris and Tony said ship up or shape out. It wasn't really a fight. It was kinda like soft porn. Lots of clutching and grabbing but hardly any blows. I mean, it wasn't like I was that guy in the Bare-Assed Ladies or something, going around snorting coke and stuff.

HV: What happened with you and the Ratz?

JW: I didn't mind them. Taylor and Stevens are a little much though. They even offered me a front office job in the off season as the controller. It reminded me of a rose garden. It smelled really nice but the place was full of pricks.

HV: How long did you stay?

JW: I stayed a few days and went through some of the records there. When I saw that 1 goal and 2 assists equals 73 points, I knew it wasn't the place for me.

HV: You say Taylor and Stevens are a little much. What does that mean?

JW: It means they are hard to take. Stevens is a complete nut. Taylor is pretty sensible. I do like his music. I have his CD "Walking Beside a Bridge." My all-time favourite of his is "That Bastard's Parents were Married." I dance to that all the time. It's better than Who Let the Dogs Out?