Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Kingfishers "Tired" of Waiting
Blacks Harbour, NB - The long off season is starting to take its toll on the Fundy Kingfishers. The two time FIHL champs were dethroned last spring by the Blacks Harbour Timberwolves and they are looking for revenge. During a recent team meeting, team manager Matty Walsh noted, "We have been waiting long enough and it's time to get the league rolling. A lot has been said and most of it 110 bullshit, especially some of the things Dugas and others have said. It is true the Bonny River Ratz are the odds on favourites right now to take it all, but the fat lady hasn't even got up to the podium yet, man. Stay tuned."
Minutes from FIHL General Annual Meeting
August 26, 2009
Fundy Arena
Attendees:
Scott Matheson Chris Blackier Jason McGrattan
Mike MacQuarrie Bill Taylor Josh Bagley
Dan Levesque
Regrets:
Matty Walsh Justin Sweeney
Wayne Barrett patches – it was unanimously agreed upon that all FIHL players and officials wear a patch commemorating former player and friend Wayne Barrett who passed away earlier this summer.
League Finances – the league is currently carrying a surplus of approximately $2,500 - $3,000 and it was agreed that dues remain the same or nearly the same to at least maintain this. The dues for 2008-2009 were $4,200 per team.
Playoff format – it was agreed that the status quo be kept. The subject of round robin was introduced but it was felt that although this would keep teams in play longer, it did nothing to reward regular season success. The one change requested was that the Twisters play their home games in St. Andrews as they will be charged for ice rental whether you use it or not. This was agreed to unanimously.
Barrett Big Show – this would be a tournament played a week or two after the FIHL championship is played and would involve all teams. No firm dates or rules were ironed out but it was believed that this would allow eliminated teams to get back on the ice one last time and to honour Wayne’s memory and have fun like we all know he would want us to do. The cost of this tournament will be separate from the regular dues collected from each team.
30 second time out – each team will be allowed to call ONE 30 second time out on any desired stoppage of play in every game.
League Board – it was agreed that Mike MacQuarrie and two other members would comprise a board that would deal with discipline and other issues that evolve during the season. This will allow an impartial party to examine the issues and make unbiased decisions. All rulings are final.
Schedule changes – no changes needed with the possible exception of a week where the Twisters do not play, the NBCC team could play in their ice time Thursday at 8:30 instead of Monday at 10 (IF both ice times remain the same.)
Rosters and player eligibility – FINAL rosters to be submitted to the board no later than January 7, 2010.
Referees – due to a very thin referee squad, all teams are required to have at least two referees on each team. This would be in addition to the refs outside the FIHL rosters. Any interested parties should participate in an official’s workshop which is forthcoming. Times and dates will be made available as soon as possible.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Walsh Promises "Bone Hammers" in 2009-2010 Season
Blacks Harbour, NB - The sign hung outside the Fundy Kingfishers head office says it all. According to the person who hung it, Matty Walsh, it will be the rule instead of the exception coming season. Walsh added, "I will be throwing the bone hammers around this season. I have had it with the boys all bitching and complaining. If you want to talk, give Dr. Phil a call. If you want to chuck the knuckles, give me a call. Pure and simple."
Dugas Has Rare Photo
Blacks Harbour, NB - Timberwolves goaltender Andrew Dugas says he has found a rare photo and wanted to share it with Hockey Voice readers. Dugas said, "I see where Taylor was collecting rare pictures. I found one of an actual Rat drinking out of a big cup. That's the only way you'll ever see that one, boys. Ain't gonna be no Ratz around this area drinking out of a Cup unless we give them a swig out of it."
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Justason and Murray Expect Pay Big Juicy Pay Hikes
Bonny River, NB - It didn't take long for word to spread to the Ratz players that the team has some money to spend this summer. Greg Justason said, "I heard about it awhile ago and never said anything. Then I read that the team was offering guys like Mike Gould $5,000,000 to play in an industrial league? What the hell is that all about? If what I hear and read is true and and that me and Murray are the second and third most valuable players on the Ratz, we deserve to be paid like it. Geez, even guys like Chris Hoffman are being talked about. Whoa, talk about the barrel being scraped."
Kevin Murray met with reporters as he left team headquarters. Murray has been rumoured to be leaving the team, but said, "I heard what Crusty said and he's right. If they can offer Hoffman and Gould even a can of beer apiece, then me and Crusty are worth a lot of dough. I ain't saying where I heard it, but I heard Stevens sold a bunch of beer bottles this summer and the team is swimming in money."
Joe Walsh Scores 500th Goal, Stevens Stops by to Celebrate
Toronto, Ontario, Canada - It took awhile but Joe Walsh finally has his 500th career goal. Walsh plays on the Tony's Pizza and Pest Control Rangers in the GTA Hockey League and got a surprise visit from old friend Joe Stevens who was in town doing some promotional work for the Bonny River Ratz. Stevens was participating in the "Burn Out with your Buddies" Program that allows under-privileged kids in the GTA who don't have lawnmowers and still want to light up the tires. Walsh was involved in the charity and got Stevens involved and it has been a big hit.
Walsh noted, "To score 500 goals is a big thrill for me. To have somebody like Joe Stevens take time out to come celebrate is phenomenal. Stevens is one of my all-time heroes; him and Taylor. They really showed me a lot. The Ratz have really helped these kids too. Without them, they would never have known what it's like to light up the tires on a lawnmower, so that's pretty special."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Vandals Shut Down #1 Highway Ramp
St. George, NB - In what experts are declaring the "work of professionals," the entrance ramp to the #1 Highway has been blocked. Located directly across from Lakewood Fitness, somebody dumped loads of gravel and then felt bad about it, and added signs to warn people. Anybody having inofrmation regarding this serious crime is aksed to call 1-800-222-SPIT.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Dugas Confirms it - "The Voices told me to leave the Ratz!
Bonny River, NB - It has long been speculated and was recently confirmed that Andrew Dugas' exit from the Ratz was not a personality conflict with some of the stars on the team. When Dugas left two seasons ago, it was rumoured that he had some issues with Mark Taylor and Joe Stevens over the amount of defensive help he was receiving. Dugas supposedly felt that the Ratz were being too protective of him and he wanted to see more work.
Now, it has surfaced that the "voices" told him to leave as confirmed with a recent Hockey Voice photo.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
League to Investigate Walsh's Dealings with Cunningham and Hooper
Blacks Harbour, NB - Just hours after Kingfishers star Chris Hoffman announced his intentions to possibly negotiate a deal with the rival Bonny River Ratz, Matty Walsh was photographed in Saint John with two bags said to contain a substantial amount of cash. Hoffman noted that the Ratz had hit the 7 figure range on several offers this summer and he was interested.
The FIHL has made a brief statement that reads: "The FIHL is taking allegations very seriously that Matty Walsh has made available some suspicious money to his players. We do not condone the use of this type of negotiating tactics. It is our understanding that all money used by the Ratz is solely from the sale of beer bottles. Further comments will be made as we become more aware of the situation."
Hoffman Preparing a "Move"
Blacks Harbour , NB - Chris Hoffman met with a scrum of reporters early Thursday morning as he was going into a ballet studio. He said, "I read the Ratz are offering to pay a base salary of $5,000,000 to Mike Gould and guys like that. I read that in the Voice so it must be true. I should be able to get $300,000 based on that. Matty Walsh said he'd get me a few beer at the end of the year and that has been the commitment from the Kingfishers so far. He's too busy playing Jim Leahy out at Lake Utopia to pay attention to me. I think Jamie Harris might be Randy from the Trailer Park Boys too."
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Ratz and Friends Join Together for Good Cause
Hockey Voice Releases Rare Photos
Bonny River, NB - Hockey Voice VP of Operations Chris Richardson said he was scrounging around through the archives and found some rare photos that he wanted to share with the readers.
Richardson noted, "We had pictures of a real Toronto Maple Leaf drinking out of the Stanley Cup, Mr. Dressup beating kids and Houdini locking his keys in his car, but decided on these two particular ones. Supposedly, there's one of Mark Taylor missing an open net, but we haven't been able to get our paws on that as it probably doesn't exist.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Chambers: Rumours are Not True!"
Blacks Harbour, NB - Chad Chambers was visibly upset when asked about a possible deal he has signed with the League Champions Timberwolves. Chambers snapped at reporters when he was spotted wearing a Wold shirt. He noted, "Is there not any privacy in this league? I guess nobody has heard that wolf shirts are chick magnets these days? I'm staying put until I hear otherwise, no further comment."
Hoffman Exercising Hard to Get Back into Game Shape
Saint John, NB, Canada - Chris Hoffman says he got the idea of doing his abnormal stretching from watching a dog in his neighbourhood. Hoffman said, "I was sitting in the front and watched this big dog walk by, fetch 'er up and put his leg behind his ear. It didn't look hard to do and as they say, the rest is history. I think I may have some ancestors in either Germany or Labrador and no I don't do it in front of the TV when company is over either."
Walsh Continues with Bizarre Behaviour
Bonny River, NB - It appears that although he manages to play hockey all summer in Toronto, Joe Walsh is skating on thin ice at the Hockey Voice. A recent picture of Walsh and his band of weird friends has been obtained by the Hockey Voice and disciplinary action or possible termination is possible.
Yesterday, VP of Operations Chris Richardson noted Walsh was being scrutinized and will have some sort of disciplinary action taken against him for "behaviour unbecoming of a Hockey Voice employee."
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Gould: "Ratz Pulled the Offer Off the Table"
Stevens Takes up new Hobby
Report: Joe Walsh is out of Control
Toronto, Ontario, Canada - A recent photo that the Hockey Voice has obtained has caused it to re-examine its ties with entertainment critic Joe Walsh. The picture shows a very hammered Walsh talking to an even "more hammered" friend. VP of Operations Chris Richardson was quick to comment on the issue. He noted, "We do not condone this type of behaviour and from all accounts, this happened during business hours. We all get like this sometime, but seldom are we on the clock when it happens. We are reviewing this for sure."