FIHL Issues Stern Warning About Unpaid Dues

Pay Up by January 11, 2009 or Get Off the Ice!

Gentlemen …

The due date for FIHL funds paid in full was November 11th. We are now approaching 2 months past this date and over halfway done our regular season. The following teams have the following amounts outstanding.
XXX - $980
Ratz - $695
Lepreau - $2,330
All teams seem to have adequate numbers so you have to get out and get after your guys to get their money in or you as team owners are going to be left holding the bag, I am confident the above outstanding amounts will be cleaned up by a firm deadline of January 11th. Lepreau you have a long way to go, time to get serious and clean this up, to date you haven’t even paid your share of the ice you have used, the pirates are currently floating on the other teams dime … unacceptable. If there isn’t progress shown soon then the league will have to decide what is to be done moving forward with your team. I am just a spokesperson for the league; all 7 of us are in this together. Hats off to Kingfishers, Timberwolves, NBCC, and Twisters on getting their money in on time as we discussed earlier in the year as a group.

Hopefully NBCC and the Twisters are making out fine with their funds in St. Andrews but for our purposes they are top shelf and good to rock and roll in the playoffs which will take place in Blacks. Below is the playoff format for anyone whom is unaware.
1st – Bi
2nd vs 7th
3rd vs 6th
4th vs 5th
Reseed and begin 2nd round.

Richard "Go Habs Go!"

Richard Lets Loose!

Frankie Richard Shows Off Physique and His Loyalty

Blacks Harbour, NB - Kingfishers star Frankie Richard says he's a big Habs fan and doesn't care who know it either. Richard, with his new tattoos, said, "The Habs are going all the way. Rock on baby, rock on!"

Twisters Hope to Get New Wheels in New Year

Weatherby: "Just trying to Cut Back Travel Costs to be Competitive"

Vehicle Purchased by Twisters

Blackland, NB - Ryan Weatherby was smiling on Wednesday as his squad unveiled their new team vehicle. Weatherby noted, "This is just something we felt that was needed to enable us to be competitive with the other teams. Most of the teams are what we call down-homers and are only a skip, hop and jump away from Fundy Arena. If we are to attract A-List free agents, we need to have the ability to do that. This is a nice set of wheels and will save us a lot of dough. It used to be Bud Green's car, but the team owns it now."

Stevens Gone "Indefinitely"

Ratz Dealt Huge BlowRatz Captain Joe Stevens Holds Press Conference

Bonny River, NB - Joe Stevens met with reporters early Tuesday morning and laid it all out there. He noted, "I have what our doctors are calling a soft tissue injury and will be sidelined indefinitely. I have turned over the team to Mark Taylor and he will be looking after all aspects of the team for as long as it takes. I will continue with my rehabilitation and will be back as soon as humanly possible. No further questions please. I think you can appreciate the sensitivity of this whole thing."

Movie Reviews by Joe Walsh

Walsh Spotlights new MoviesEntertainment Guy Joe Walsh

Valkyrie starring Tom Cruise

I haven't seen this movie but I'll tell you that any movie where you don't understand the title, you shouldn't watch it. I remember watching a movie one time called Hard as a Rock in Red Rock and I learned my lesson. There's not many World War II veterans left so I'll say this movie will flop. Tom, go back to making good flicks like Risky Business and Jerry Springer and get off Oprah's couch you idiot! Stop practising that Popular Science stuff too! You're scaring people including me.

Marley and Me

I haven't seen this one either but any movie about Bob Marley is okay with me. Check back with me after this appears on The Movie Network and I'll have full details. You know I'll have the soundtrack for this one!

Yes Man

I haven't seen this one but I think I overheard some people at work talking about it. I think they said it was okay but they always tone down their conversations whenever I get close. It's not like I've sprinkled Ex Lax sprinkles on their desserts recently. I'll try to get some more information on this one even if it means hiding in the closet.

Hoffman Fires Back at Walsh on Conditioning

Hoffman: I'd Like to see Walsh look like this!Hoffman Shows off Physique

Saint John, NB - Kingfishers star player Chris Hoffman says he has enough of the constant crap coming from the top about conditioning and weight control. He noted, "I work out at least 5-10 minutes a month. Sure I like the odd Boston Cream, who doesn't? I'd like to see Walsh keep up with me."

Joe Walsh Previews New Taylor and Jagger Offering

Lots of Great Stuff Here!Hockey Voice Entertainment Guy Joe Walsh

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - It is a crying shame that this little jewel wasn't under the trees this past Christmas, boys. It appears that Mark Taylor has done it again. He has teamed up with Nick Jagger to form the supergroup Stubborn Turd. Taylor said he was in a mall bathroom one day and somebody had left some remnants behind and he got the name that way. Reportedly, according to legend, Taylor found a log one day that looked like a hockey stick and that prompted him to play the game so this is great stuff. It proves you have to listen to shit, know what I'm saying?

Let me start by saying that Taylor's bandmate is Nick Jagger, not Mick Jagger. Nick is related somehow, as everybody is if you shake the family tree hard enough. Nick lacks a lot of style that Mick has, but Taylor compensates for him on this disc. To me, Stubborn Turd is the real deal. I'd have to say my favourite track is "Rose don't need that prick." It's a love song obviously, but it really shows the band's capabilities. Another really good tune is called Sick Cougar. It's about Cher getting the flu and it really rocks.

Cher, I don't need your money,

And I don't need your fancy car,

Just call me a taxi cab now,

So I can go party at the bar

You see what I mean? The lyrics are so clever. I have been singing along with this disc ever since I got back from the Maritimes. 5.5 out of 5 for this one.

Matty Walsh Pays Tribute to Hockey Heroes

Walsh Gets Replica of Taylor's 800th Goal StickWalsh With Replica Twig

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh says he now believes in Santa Claus if he didn't wholeheartedly believe before this Christmas. Walsh received a replica stick of the one that Mark Taylor scored his 800th goals with. Walsh said, "I know Taylor was using a wooden one the night he popped 799 and 800, but this little weapon is just about the same deal as the one he used. I sent my letter to Santa way back in November and I got it for Christmas. I plan on getting Taylor, Stevens, Buchanan and Justason a few others to sign it to give it that special touch. Pretty pumped boys."

Blacks Harbour Jr. Silver Kings to Host Texas Hold 'Em Tournament

Play Gets under Way at Noon January 4, 2009

$50 Entry Fee.

Located at the the Brunswick Curling Club in Blacks Harbour

There are 100 seats available. You will draw your seat number upon your arrival that day. There will be 10 individual tournaments where there will be ten $100 prizes awarded to the winners and then the 10 winners will meet at the end of the day at the head table to play for a $3000.00 purse.

If all 100 seats sell ( which I am sure they will ) the junior club will make $1000.00 for hosting this event. Please forward this to everyone in your e-mails. The bar will be open and food will be available. Come test your poker skills and help support the Junior team at the same time.

Once again, everyone is welcome. First time card players or pros. Respond to this event and reserve your seat today.

Sincerely,

Geoff "Cunny" Cunningham

FIHL Issues Warning about Boozing

Just a Friendly Reminder About Liquor

Kingfishers Called out on Eating Habits

Walsh: Cut Back or Get Out!

Chris Hoffman (Top) and Jamie Harris (Bottom) Singled out

Blacks Harbour, NB - Team General Manager Matty Walsh wasted no time after the Christmas Break to single out some players in need of conditioning and weight control. Walsh said, "Hoffman and Harris are at the top of my list boys. I know Hoffman likes the odd donut and coffee, but that burger I saw him eating was big enough to choke a horse. Harris, well, that's another story. I told them both to cut back or get out."

Arrival of Matty Walsh Brings New Hours of Business for Hockey Voice

Walsh Announces New Hours

Walsh Tells it Like it is by Using Numbers

Matty Walsh Shows Why he is Chief Stats Man

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh crunched some numbers for the Hockey Voice this morning and it spoke volumes on why the standings are like they are. Walsh noted, "The Kingfishers are averaging a league leading 9.2 goals a game but have a goals against average of 5.69 which is third best. If you look at what Nick Ganong has done with the XXX, it tells the whole story. They have a GAA of 4.38 which is pretty stingy. In sharp contrast, the Lepreau Pirates have surrendered 9.1 goals a game and you can't put that all on the goalie, boys. That is a team stat. The Twisters have a GAA of 5.08 and are in second place in that category. This is why they are challenging for the top spots. The other newcomers NBCC St. Andrews are averaging 3.75 goals for a game and that's not enough to be successful in this league. 45 goals in 12 games won't cut it. The Kingfishers are outscoring their opponents by an average of almost 3.5 goals and lead in that department while Lepreau is being outscored by an average of 3.8 goals and are at the bottom. These are all numbers and what counts is on the ice. Despite these stats, it appears that no game is safe and when you step on the ice, you never know what will happen and that's what I like."

Matty Walsh Accepts Hockey Voice Post

Walsh Named Chief Statitician and Director of Photography

Walsh leaving The Hockey Voice Headquarters on Monday

Bonny River, NB - Matty Walsh felt that "it was just a matter of time" before he too would be joining the staff at the Hockey Voice. Walsh said, "When my brother Joe got hired, he said he was going to put in a good word for me and here I am. I'm both excited and nervous to be placed in this position. It's a great honour to be working together with the great people that are already on staff. You know, this league is taking off big time. It has more visibility than any other league in this neck of the woods and has more controversy and human interest stories than the Bigs. I'm pumped for sure."

All financial compensation is strictly confidential but Walsh said, "I was told I was getting the same dough as the rest and I'm happy with that. When you're with the Hockey Voice, it's not about the money anyway."

FIHL Announces Friendship Contract for 2009

After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2009 ! It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!

Our Wish for You in 2009

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ............
May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!

Editor Speaks out

Taylor thanks readers for a Successful 2008The Hockey Voice Editor Mark Taylor

Bonny River, NB - The Hockey Voice is the brainchild of Mark Taylor and came about as a result of the semi-daily, weekly, monthly writings about the Fundy Industrial Hockey League in Blacks Harbour. Every so often Taylor would combine a bunch of pictures and articles and e-mail them to players and friends of the League. Judging from the response, Taylor figured that it could be bigger and went to a blog format where more people could have access to the content. Never taking himself or the League too seriously, Taylor reports on some stories based solely on fact, some loosely based on fact and some perhaps lacking in fact altogether.

Taylor said, "The response has been all positive. The poll last week that overwhelmingly said the Hockey Voice is the foremost authority hockey on the local scene really did it for me. I will continue down that path and give readers the stories and pictures they so desire. I remember being in Elementary School and seeing pictures and having the ability to immediately come up with a story on it. That ability has helped me immensely with this publication."

Taylor also gives thanks to the staff at the Hockey Voice. Taylor notes, "Geoff Cunningham is the hockey insider and head psychic and has done well in that capacity. Santa Cunny, Cunny's Crystal Ball and Somebody was Saying are just some examples of Cunningham's great works. Chris Richardson is the VP of Operations and really does the legwork to ensure that the articles in the Hockey Voice are accurate and meaningful. Richardson has embraced this duty and has done a fine job. The Hockey Voice prides itself with being factual and felt that it needed a person to keep that in tact and Richardson has done that. The last person hired was Joe Walsh of Toronto who started out as a fan of the Hockey Voice and expressed interest in joining the staff. He is the new entertainment critic and is focused primarily on non-hockey issues such as films, music and all fine arts. The Hockey Voice felt that it needed a set of eyes and ears outside of the greater Charlotte County area, but also needed that back-home mentality and Joe has supplied that."

The Hockey Voice welcomes comments and ideas and strives to keep up with the fast action of the the FIHL. The Hockey Voice hopes everybody had a great Christmas and nothing but the best in 2009. Thank you.

By the way, if people get hot under the collar about the Hockey Voice, just remember, if ya can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen and if at first you don't succeed, then maybe skydiving isn't for you!

Holiday Message from the Players and Management of the FIHL

FIHL Sends Important Holiday Message

FIHL Announces Official Wine of the League

Fat Bastard Wine Hooks Up With FIHLOfficial Wine of the FIHL

Blacks Harbour, NB - It seems everybody wants to get in on the sponsorship action in the FIHL. Miles O'Toole of Fat Bastard Wine Co. spoke this morning at a news conference about the league. He noted, "Fat Bastard Wine is very pleased to be a part of this league. I think that a lot of the guys are already customers but this will solidify our market share in the area. Remember you don't have to be a fat bastard to drink Fat Bastard Wine, but when the knuckles fly, it helps."

Hill King of the Heap?

Chiller Rolls into Town

Chris Hill the King

Blacks Harbour, NB -Chris Hill said that the time he spent with the Ratz gave him a different perspective of hockey. He said, "It was life altering for me. You look at the hall of famers they have and you have to be in awe of them. Not only the obvious like Taylor, they have so many others. I went to the BIG Show one year and everything was first class. Pitchers of beer were flowing and they made me feel right at home. They made me feel like a king."

Chambers: Ratz Need to Lay Off it!

Chad Chambers Has Had Enough!

Chambers After Big Win Versus the Ratz

Blacks Harbour, NB - Chad Chambers was visibly upset last night as he made his way through the swarm of reporters. He said, "The Ratz really have to lay off it, man. We beat them fair and square with the odd crooked face off. They start this crap about Ratz Patches and any other excuse you can think of. I'm sick of it. I really am."

New FIHL Sponsor Comes on Board

Horse Piss Beer Official Beer of the FIHL

Official Beer of the FIHL

Blacks Harbour, NB - Officials from Horse Piss Beer Company were on hand Tuesday to unveil their partnership with the FIHL. Company President Dink Winkerson said, "Horse Piss Beer is for the common everyday idiot and we feel this was the right fit for our brand. Our motto is Even if you're not hung like a horse, you can still pound back Horse Piss!"

Kingfishers Exposed to Side Effects of Ratz Patches

Several Kingfishers Suffer Dangerous Side EffectsRobin Heelis After Tuesday's Game

Blacks Harbour, NB - Officials are "nervous" about a patch that Joe Walsh whipped up and supplied to the Kingfishers prior to last night's game versus the Ratz. Several Kingfishers reported trots and balance issues after consuming what is called, "The Ratz Patch." The elder Walsh brother Joe Walsh said, "Why is everything a big deal in the FIHL? This is worse than playing the NHL I bet. Every move is watched like a hawk. I knew the boys needed something to give them some courage to face the Ratz. They've all had the Ratz Flu and this will fight that. I have calls from Jason McGrattan and few others that I have to return so if you could excuse me, I have to go."

The FIHL has a strict rule that deals with performance enhancing drugs and league officials are investigating. League Director of Officiating Josh Bagley noted, "I in no way condone the use of drugs to improve play but if you were in the room, you'd know the boys needed a little something to help out. Like the mighty waters of the mighty Bonny River, this will slide under the bridge with a little help from me. Next question?"

HOCKEY VOICE EXCLUSIVE!

Joe Walsh and "Spiderman" Brings in "Stuff" for Kingfishers

Joe Walsh

Spiderman

Blacks Harbour, NB - No sooner had the buzzer went after the Ratz and Kingfishers game Tuesday night, controversy reared its ugly head again. Rumours were swirling about a substance that Joe Walsh and his buddy referred to only as "Spiderman" had concocted in their big city Toronto lab. The substance known only as "The Ratz Patch" was found in the garbage can in the Kingfishers Dressing Room.

A very distraught Joe Stevens was told about the discovery and offered, "Here I am injured, Joe Walsh floats into town, jumps ship and now is doping the boys up? There's lots of laws, but not much justice. Somebody was saying that if you slap one of his patches on your arm, it gives you the will to handle the Ratz attack. Am I the only one that thinks this is bullshit?"

The lips couldn't get any tighter in Kingfishers Nation. All calls went unreturned to their headquarters.

Despite Gutsy Effort, Ratz Come up Short

Walsh: "I'm Glad the Buzzer Went!"Matty Walsh After Defeating the Ratz
Joe Walsh's Lady Friend From Toronto Celebrates After Game

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Fundy Kingfishers rolled around on the ropes until the final buzzer went but managed to stave off a late Ratz attack to get a 6-5 victory. A very tired and philosophical Matty Walsh noted, "I was glad the buzzer went. They had Taylor out there and that means they mean business. After all the hype and the legal wranglings of this week, I'm happy to get this game behind me. They came at us with 8 skaters but any one of them could play in the NHL so you can just imagine what we were thinking. Just as soon as the ref dropped the puck on our side of the ice, I knew we were in for a battle."

The Ratz had rookie sensation Lorne Grant between the pipes and held a 1-0 lead after two periods. Jim Buchanan noted after the game, "We were missing a lot of key guys but had the right eight I think. Like I always say when I get to the bottom of a can of beans, we ran out of gas. Lorne Grant was spectacular tonight. This only proves that the management of this team is solid. Taylor continues to pull rabbits out of his hat every year, signing free agents and bringing in new talent. Take Jason McFarlane for instance. Taylor signed him and he's got 14 goals in 7 games. Anybody on the Kingfishers Smarter than a 5th Grader to do that math?"

The legal wranglings Walsh spoke of was regarding his brother Joe Walsh who signed a one year deal last April with the Ratz. He reneged on his contract and chose to suit up for the Kingfishers instead. He met with reporters for a brief moment after the game and said, "Wow! I have never see gutsier performance than that. I don't care how many NHL-ers they have, that was special. I wish we could have had a more amicable split, but this is business, not hockey. I am going to leave the door open and any time the Ratz want to talk, I'm all ears. I have a cube and a 26-er and my stomping boots are going on tonight!"

FIHL Shows How to be the Man of the House

Mahar Upset Over Loss of Family Heirloom

Mahar: "Just Give it Back, No Questions Asked!"

Missing Painting

Blacks Harbour, NB - Kingfishers star Jeremy Mahar said he woke up to one of the most disturbing things last weekend. An antique painting of one of his ancestors was stolen and he is pleading for its return. Mahar met with reporters briefly and was visibly shaken. He noted, "This painting is a tie to the past and we have to hold onto them. If anybody out there has it, please return it, no questions asked."

Matty Walsh was on hand and annonced that the Kingfishers are offering a 100 dozen beer bottle reward for the return. He said, "This proves we are serious about this."

FIHL Promotes Planning and Priorities in Case of Disasters

Richardson Stresses Preparation Poster Endorsed by Chris Richardson

Mayberry, NB - The Hockey Voice VP of Operations Chris Richardson came out in favour of preparing for the worst today. He said, "You never know when disaster will hit and you should have your priorities set beforehand. This poster drives home that point I think. As long as you plan to fail, you're okay in my books."

Harris in New Ad Campaign

Harris: I thought If I Believed in the Cause, I'd do it...

Kingfishers Goalie Jamie Harris

Blacks Harbour, NB - Kingfishers Jamie Harris said he was approached by the beer industry to do a few ads and figured it was way to make some extra bucks. He noted, "I figured that as long as I believed in the cause, no problem. It's not like this is an ad to promote violence or no sex marriages."

Free Counter

Stevens on Kingfishers Move: Bovine Fecies!

Walsh Property of Ratz According to Contract

Ratz Forward Joe Walsh

Blacks Harbour, NB - An enraged Ratz team captain Joe Stevens met with a swarm of reporters this morning amidst reports that forward Joe Walsh had snubbed the storied franchise. He noted, "It appears the Walsh boys had better get some help with their reading skills. Joe Walsh signed a deal last spring with the Ratz. We flew him in, wined and dined him all weekend and just flew into Pennfield Airport on our dime and now he's playing for the Kingfishers? If we felt he was any good to us, we could have had Matty Walsh but we don't need that junk on our squad. The Kingfishers can have him but he signed a deal at the same time his illiterate brother did."

Joe Walsh was not answering calls but Matty Walsh did and said, "It's all looked after. Joe is signed for a a try out with the Kingfishers. He's not on the the team. It's a try-out. Maybe Stevens should switch to de-caf."

McFarlane Carries Ratz on his Back

McFarlane's Eight Point Night Sinks PiratesMcFarlane Reflects on Big Night

Blacks Harbour, NB - Jason McFarlane's five goals and 3 assists were enough to lift the Bonny River Ratz to a 14-5 victory over the Lepreau Pirates. Over-shadowed by McFarlane's stats was Eric Lee's hat trick. Jim Buchanan and Mark Johnson each netted a pair while team leading point-getter Greg Justason got a single and Mark Taylor potted one as well. The Ratz received some solid goal-tending from Nick Ganong who braved the nasty weather to gain the W. Ganong noted, "I wanted to even up my Ratz record and was hell-bent on getting to Blacks Harbour to do just that. I accomplished my mission."

McFarlane met with reporters after the game. He said, "Everything fell into place tonight. Our line was clicking, the bounces were coming our way, and I'm just happy we got the win. The big thing now is to prepare for the Kingfishers Tuesday night. I want to say I ain't singing it, I'm bringing it and Walsh and the boys had better be ready."

The eight points moves McFarlane into second place in Ratz scoring, one point behind Greg Justason who has 20 points. The interesting part is McFarlane has done it with just playing six games.

Walsh Reviews Taylor's Live Album

Shots From the Road is Not Destined to Be a Classic: It is a Classic!

Mark Taylor's New Live Album

T.O. - The Hockey Voice Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh said the new live effort by Mark Taylor was the "most highly anticipated album of the year in the world."

Walsh added, "A lot of people in Toronto enjoy the wholesome sound of Taylor's tunes. In fact, That Bastard's Parents Were Married! hit #1 on CKOC up here. It's a nice tune to dance to and I guess it caught the public's ears. The live version is the best though with the harmonica and acoustic only. WOW! The hero of Husky Balls closes out the show and it rocks. All the big hits like Everything is Going Wrong (The Sexy Bax Song), Hockeystar, A Lot of that Bullshit is True are all on it. The new 2008 wedding song Commando (She's Wearing the Pants But Not the Panties) is everywhere and the live version really shows off his pipes. If you buy one album this Christmas, it's gotta be Mark Taylor - ALIVE! Shots from the Road. Rated 5.5 out of 5."

Ratz Invite Dugas to Camp on Magaguadavic River

Dugas: "Let's Spread out a Bit Boys...."

Former Ratz Goalie Andrew Dugas last Saturday in Bonny River

Ratz Captain Joe Stevens Barks out Orders at Work-Out

Bonny River, NB - Andrew Dugas arrived on the Magaguadavic River last Saturday under the radar. He said, "Not a lot of people know about this, Not a lot of people know the river is safe too. I told them to spread out a bit and not bunch up a lot. I'm here to play hockey, not water polo."

Meanwhile, team captain Joe Stevens said, "The Ratz and Dugas have had their differences. He wanted to party, we wanted to play hockey but that's all in the past. I say let's sit down and drink 24 and forget about it."

Guthrie's Secret Busted Wide Open

Ashley Guthrie is a Superhero According to Hockey Voice Report

Kingfishers Defenseman Ashley Guthrie

Blacks Harbour, NB - Greg Groom was visibly shaken by an announcement made by the Hockey Voice. He noted, "I knew about this but couldn't say anything about it. The guys noticed he was always bolting after a game and thought something was up. He is a superhero and a crime fighter and is to be commended. My hat is tipped to the guy. I'm glad I don't have to carry this around anymore too."

Harris and Friend Send Christmas Greetings

Walsh: Harris has Weird Looking Friends and I'm not Talking About me!

Jamie Harris and Friend he met at the 3 Mile

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh expressed concern that Kingfishers goalie Jamie Harris is hanging out with weirder people than usual. He noted, "I told him we have an image here to uphold and if he wants to hang out with weirdos, do it somewhere else. This green guy is his latest buddy that he met at the 3 Mile."

Harris said, "What's wrong with Walsh? Me and my buddy want to send Christmas Greetings and he is all bent out of shape? This guy wants a spot on the roster and Walsh is worried that he will be gone. Walsh is already on the 4th line and we only have two lines. Do the math, Allen Einstein!"

Ganong Attempts to Even Ratz Record on Sunday

Word Spreads Quickly in Border TownFriends of Nick Ganong Make Trek to Blacks Harbour

St. Stephen, NB - Nick Ganong said he was ecstatic when he heard that the Bonny River Ratz were interested in having him back between the pipes this coming Sunday versus the Lepreau Pirates. Ganong added, "I don't know how the word spreads so quickly, but I no longer agreed to the terms of the deal and it was on the Hockey Voice and many of my friends are already on their way to the Harbour. I have had a hard time adjusting to the media glare that comes with playing in the FIHL. It seems that everybody move you make, somebody is watching you and it's being reported on. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying it's a little hard to make the adjustment."

Kingfishers Hire New Cheerleader to Pump Up the Team

Walsh: "I Think This Lady is Hot and Will Bring in the Crowds"

New Kingfishers Cheerleader Linda Dinkerson

Blacks Harbour, NB - In hopes of bringing in more fans, the Fundy Kingfishers have announced they have hired Linda Dinkerson as their new cheerleader. Matty Walsh said, "Me and Harris met her and it was quite dark, but I think she might be hot. We want to see more people in the stands and this will help. Harris said he thought she was hot too."

Santa Cunny Sounds Off Again

Santa Cunny Shutting Stuff Down

Santa Cunny

North Pole, NB - "Ya can't be an idiot all year long and expect Santa Cunny to bring you anything. It don't work that way, boys. I see you when you're sleeping. I see you when you got your head down."

"I was trying to get an enforcer for the Ratz but seems that it's not on their list anymore. I tell ya, if Stevens and the rest of them don't start sticking up for the elite players, I'm getting them all some new ball-sacks. Quit painting your frigging toenails and play some hockey!"

"What in hell is Harris and Mahar eating? Matty Walsh has asked that I bring them some Slim Fast. Geez, has Midland got a truck going to Blacks anytime soon? I ain't got that much room on my sled."

"Josh Bagley, that seeing eye dog of yours better not try to piss on my sled this year and tell him to quit humping my leg. I wonder where he picked up them habits?"

Turdy Tree and a Turd

Turdy Tree and a Turd Music News

Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh

TURN DOWN THE SUCK, TURN UP THE GOOD

• Everywhere I go, the kids wanna rock! I wish Bryan Adams would make up his mind. On one sing all he wants to do is 69 and then it's everything he does, he does it for you. I'm sick of it, man.
• I don't care if it is old AC/DC or new AC/DC, this is music to move a house to. I'm on the rock and roll train and there's no stop signs, no speed limits and yes, nobody is gonna mess me around.
• I don't mind Christmas, I do my part. I'm just not into putting away my mullet wigs on Halloween and getting up the next morning to hear Snoopy's Christmas. My head can't take it.
• I'm so over that boot-scooting boogie crap. The only time my shit-kickers are going on is when I know ahead of time that somebody wants to scrap.
• Cowbell, we need more cowbell! Is anybody listening? Is there anybody out there?
• Bon Jovi needs to get back to Tommy and working on the docks. Am I the only one that thinks that? I have my horns already to raise up, just need to hear the right rifts.

Walsh Named as Entertainment Critic for the Hockey Voice

Joe Walsh: What a thrill!Voice Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - Joe Walsh said, "What a thrill!" when notified that he was the successful candidate for the vacant entertainment critic job at the Hockey Voice. Walsh added, "I sent my resume in a couple weeks ago not thinking I'd ever get a job at the Hockey Voice. This is the best news I've had since I got picked to play for the Ratz last spring at the BIG SHOW."

Walsh brings a wealth of knowledge to the Hockey Voice. He will report on some of the big movies and great music in the world today. The Hockey Voice prides itself on hiring the very best money can buy and the staff is overwhelmed about bringing in a world-class guy like Mr. Walsh.

The Hockey Voice Names FUBAR as one of the Best Movies of All Time

Matty Walsh: FUBAR - A Must See for Sure!Website Picture for the movie FUBAR

Bonny River, NB - It seems that the FIHL likes to see the underdog do well and the love for the movie FUBAR sends home that point. FUBAR big fan Matty Walsh says, "Terry and the Deaner are my kind of guys. They exemplify what the FIHL is all about. I mean, hanging out with friends and having a good time is what's it's all about. My stomping boots are F***ing going on tonight! is my favourite quote from the show."

Former Ratz star Joe Walsh of Toronto, Ontario, Canada who is the new entertainment critic for the Hockey Voice, says, "Dean Murdoch is my idol. What truer words can be said that Turn up the good and turn down the suck!" This is a classic that should be seen by everybody who has ever shotgun a beer, played hockey in the house, threw lawnchairs in a fire, or stuck by a friend through thick and thin."

A Christmas Poem from Sami the Timekeeper

Merry Christmas FIHL
from Sami Cunningham

Here’s to all the hockey guys
Who are all so dear,
And yes, I am back for another year
So too are the players
Who are recently new
This is my Christmas present
To all of you

This year I have been doing the Jr.’s and Silver Kings teams
But with their fights and big crowds
You guys are my favourite it seems
Tuesdays and Sundays
Never seem to bother me much
With your laughs and smiles
You all have that added touch

With your skates and sticks
And helmets, looking so tough
I’ve gotten to know you all a little better
And see that it’s just a bluff
This is to all the guys down at Blacks
XXX, Pirates, T’Wolves St. Stephen & Andrews
Kingfishers and Ratz

Here’s to you guys
So different from the rest
Hope your Christmas and New Year’s
Is only the best!

Richardsons Welcome New Addition

Ratz Sign Tom Richardson to One Year DealThomas Harold Richardson in File Photo

Mayfield, NB - In a unprecedented move, the Bonny River Ratz signed Tom Richardson to a one year deal, effective 2027. The little guy was just born on Dec. 10 at 1:50 a.m. and is already under contract. The 5 lber. stretches out 19 inches and appears that his agents and parents, Chris and Melissa are looking after his future sooner than later. Chris Richardson met with reporters briefly on Monday and offered, "The Ratz are committed to building for the future and this deal proves that. I met with Stevens and Taylor late last week and they laid some things on the table that were hard to refuse. To say I'm happy about it would be a huge understatement."

Meanwhile at Ratz headquarters, Team Captain Joe Stevens said, "We are prepared to do what is necessary to ensure the longevity of this franchise and to keep the Ratz a viable and competitive squad. This deal speaks volumes to that. Right now it appears Tom will be on a line with Andrew Moffitt and Mark Taylor, but that could change. We don't see any advantage to putting him on a line with his Dad and adding that pressure on him. Who knows, maybe his Dad will be over the hill by the time Tom starts playing?"

McFarlane Ratz Player of the Week

McFarlane Gets Nod

McFarlane after receiving word on the award

Bonny River, NB - Jason McFarlane let out a big whoop after receiving word that he was named Ratz Player of the Week. McFarlane moved into the team's top scoring picture as reported in the Hockey Voice. McFarlane said, "Wow! Player of the Week? Geez, there's so many people to thank. I guess I want to thank the Hockey Voice first. After all, once you've made it in the Voice, there's no other thing in hockey that can rival that, man. I'm just proud and happy that people are watching and taking notice. I'll tell ya, playing with a guy like Taylor gives you some open ice to make plays. Don't under-estimate that."

McFarlane has seven goals and three assists for 10 points in the 5 games he's played this season, good enough for 5th place on the very potent Ratz roster.

Ratz Announce New Product

Available at a Store Near you Soon!

Product Launched Last Week

Bonny River, NB - Team Captain Joe Stevens said respeonse has been favourable overall thus far to the new product the Ratz launched. He noted, "I noticed that sales are not taking off around these parts. I am told by our marketing department that people are afraid of the Ratz. Matty Walsh has got a big push on to get the Ratz vaccine well-stocked before the game next Tuesday. That says a lot. He wouldn't eat these crackers or any of his buddies. They'd get skid marks from just picking up the box. I hear Hoffman has the Ratz Flu really bad and Matty's trying to get him fixed up before next Tuesday. Good luck with that."

Santa Cunny Tells Everybody to be Good

Santa Cunny "Sort of" in the Christmas Spirit

Santa Cunny

North Pole, Canada - He tells the girls and boys not to worry what's in his pipe, but to worry about whether they have been good or bad. That's Santa Cunny.

Santa Cunny says, "If all the idiots in the FIHL want to get anything, they'd better be patient. I ain't made of money. I have been reading my letters and there's one from Matty Walsh. He has asked for Ratz Poison and some Ratz Flu vaccine. I'll see what I can do, but there's a lot of little boys in the FIHL asking for these items. They are the Tickle Me Elmo thing for Charlotte County it seems. Jamie Harris has asked for a 4 X 6 sheet of 3/4 inch plywood, good on one side. Santa will see what he can do about that. He's not the only one asking for that either. Santa Cunny will be watching everybody, so you had better be good. I'll be back before Christmas to tell you more. Bye for now!"

Walsh Announces Cost-Cutting Measures

New Showers Part of Kingfishers "BIG" planMatty Walsh Takes a Shower

Blacks Harbour, NB - Times are tough and the Kingfishers are starting to feel the pinch. Team General Manager Matty Walsh says the new showers at their headquarters are just an example of how they are coping these days. Walsh added, "We had to get our bus fixed when the rear end screwed up and this will help a lot. We have to be competitive. Plus, it makes your hair shiny and easier to manage."

FIHL Sends out Important Reminder

Matty Walsh: This Cannot be Stressed Enough!

Invitation to Sussex Mooseheads Gentleman's "Fun" Hockey Tournament

Hello!!!

I'm sending out an official invitation to our 19th annual Sussex Mooseheads Gentlemen's "Fun" Hockey Tournament. It will be held Thursday January 8th thru to Sunday January 11th, 2009. The cost for each team will be $575.00, you will be guaranteed at least 3 games and there are 2 division calibers based on your fun level.

As always, there will be lots of fun, lots of prizes and lots of cold "POPS"!!!

If you have any questions or are interested in entering a team and you haven't already, please contact Mike Dunfied at 434-3986 (mdunfield@nbpower.com) or Daniel Guitard at 839-2316 (guitard4@nb.sympatico.ca) as soon as possible.

Thanks and have a great day!

Daniel Guitard

Moffitt Mingles with Hyslop and his Buddies

Moffitt: "No talks are in the works and I'm staying away from those Nuts!"Bud Green, Buddy Blackier-Lomax, JJ Hyslop, Andrew Moffitt and Charlie Rocker

Bonny River, NB - A very solemn and quiet Andrew Moffitt left Ratz headquarters this morning after speaking with club officials. Rumours were circulating in the hamlet that he was perhaps looking at a contract with the Blackland Twisters. Moffitt stopped and talked to the throng of reporters and offered, "Look, I'm not looking at anything right now. I just want to play for the Ratz. I went out and had a few beers with Hyslop and his close friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Bud Green is a very funny guy and they are all solid gold in my books. I'm here for the rest of my deal which ends at the end of the season. Taylor and Stevens only sign most of us to one year deals so they can pull the rug out from beneath you at any time. I knew that coming in."

Walsh Denies Reports of Smith Joining Kingfishers

Walsh: "All Stories about Shane Smith are False!"Shane Smith in Talks With Walsh?

Knuckle Shuffle, AB - Shane Smith met with the Hockey Voice briefly on Monday. The former Ratz star said he and Matty Walsh have been "talking." He added, "Walsh said he has to unload Hoffman and some other deadwood before determining my position. That stuff is strictly under the hat. He is trying to re-unite Me, Taylor and himself and needs to ship some trash to the Ratz to make that happen."

Meanwhile, Matty Walsh is denying all reports. He noted, "I drive a Dodge Ram, not a turnip truck. Why would I want that on my team? He's playing third line on a Midget C team in Knuckle Shuffle, Alberta for cripe's sake."