Stevens Back from Moose Hunting and Focus Turns to Hockey

Stevens Poses for Reporters at Ratz Headquarters

Matheson Plans Pig Roast

Scott Matheson with Friend

Harris Weighing Options

Kingfishers Star Jamie Harris Enjoying Down Time

Walsh Finds Economy Genie to Grant One Wish

Matty Walsh with his "little friend"

Joe Walsh: "The Ratz Bought me a New Beamer"

Joe Walsh on New BMW

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - It took some convincing, but it appears that the Bonny River Ratz have signed a deal with former star Joe Walsh. Walsh has skated with the Ratz in the past and had been recruiting him hard in the off season. Walsh said, "I got an e-mail from Taylor earlier in the week about playing. He said he would get me a good job or two but I certainly didn't think I would get a company vehicle too. Sure enough, I got a call last night to go pick up a new BMW here in Toronto. It really hit home to me that these guys are serious. I don't think there's too many industrial league teams in the world that buys their players new BMW's. I took it out for a spin and it handles good. I'm not going to use it too rough until it's broken in. I am headed back to New Brunswick and hope to be there by October 18th opening game as long as the weather is good."

Hockey Voice Geography Lesson

Rumours Swirl About Elder Walsh Taking his Brother's Job

Joe Walsh Works at Hockey Voice Headquarters

Bonny River, NB - Editor Mark Taylor continues to play down rumours circulating that Chief of Photography Matty Walsh has been fired or relieved of his duties. Taylor said, "All I can say is we have given Joe Walsh a more active role at the Hockey Voice. If you feel that means Matty is fired, I don't see how you get that but whatever."

Taylor refused to comment on what new duties the elder Walsh brother has been assigned, but stated that "it was something that will enhance the Hockey Voice considerably."

Walsh Initiates Meeting with Ratz

Matty Walsh Proposes Business Luncheon with Ratz Top Brass

Chambers Upset Over Ratz Management Decisions

Carl Chambers Pounds Back the Shots of Milk with Teddy Bear

Walsh in "Fundraising Mode"

Walsh Launches New Campign in Hopes of Remaining #1 Organization

25 cents is all it costs

Blacks Harbour, NB - The FIHL's #1 organization in 2008-2009 is on the offensive again this year. The Kingfishers were voted #1 by team reps and caused a stir as some did not agree with the voting procedures. In light of this, Matty Walsh is on the fundraising trail already and is offering the opportunity for anybody to tell him off for 25 cents. Walsh noted, "This happens all the time so I figured I may as well get something for it. All money will go into our team's coffers. I figure I can make $10,000 in St. Stephen alone."

McGrattan and XXX Staff Pleased with New Look Goalie

XXX Goaltender Nick Ganong Recently

McGrattan Launches New Fundraiser for Science

Study Shows: Please Follow Instructions When Using Deodorant

Ratz Announce 2009-2010 Roster

Ratz Captain Joseph D. Stevens

Bonny River, NB - The start of the 2009-2010 season is about a month away and Bonny River Ratz team captain Joe Stevens says he's "thrilled" with the squad this year. Stevens paused from his busy schedule to talk to reporters Monday night. He noted, "This team has been built on speed. Not only will we have guys like Taylor with immense speed, others can bring it too. Everybody knows that Andrew Moffitt is probably one of the fastest guys around but Eric MacDonald and Rick McFarlane are no slouches. We have added Keith Hoyt and just recently picked up Josh Young from the Alberta Beer Swillers League. We're solid at every position and feel we are the favourites or at least that's what Matty Walsh is saying. Warren Giesbrecht is coming back and I'm told he is in tip top shape so everybody had better look out. He stayed home from the BIG Show last spring to get ready for this year and it will pay off. We're looking for Taylor to have another breakout year. If some of the other guys can pose some sort of a threat, it will take the usual two or three guys that are on Taylor all night. The boys really have to be able to score. We cannot be a one man team anymore, the league is too competitive for that. "

1. Mark Taylor #61
2. Joe Stevens #88
3. Greg Justason #25
4. Carl Chambers #15
5. Rick McFarlane
6. Mark Johnson #12
7. Kyle Leslie #27
8. Warren Giesbrecht #30
9. Shane Watson #44
10. Eric Truman Lee #97
11. Andrew Moffitt #2
12. Jim Buchanan #20
13. Jack MacNeil #77
14. Jason McFarlane #11
15. Eric MacDonald
16. Keith Hoyt
17. Lorne Grant (Back up goalie)
18. Josh Young

Stevens and Moffitt Meet to Discuss Ratz Options for 2009-2010

Stevens and Moffitt maneuver around fans to go to team meeting

Bonny River, NB - Bonny River Ratz team captain Joe Stevens and Chief of Scouting Andrew Moffitt met briefly on Sunday. The two discussed sensitive personnel issues and were not all that loose-lipped as they made their way through the throng of fans outside club headquarters.

Stevens noted, "We had some things to talk about and it's all worked out. It appears our line up is set right now. I have to talk to Taylor now and see if we can live within our financial plan. This team is probably as good as a team as we have had. Taylor has been talking to a guy from Bonny River who has expressed some interest in joining the Ratz. That's all I can say right now. He has never played in the FIHL and will be a huge signing once we have finalized it all. Stay tuned. We also have gone in a different direction with our back up goalie Lorne Grant who was being looked at as a possible defenseman. He has declined our offer and will be staying on in his present capacity with the team."

Picture of Matheson and McGrattan in the 80's Made Public

Hockey Insider Stevens Questions Cunny's Crystal Ball

New Hockey Insider Joseph D. Stevens

As the Hockey Voice insider, I feel it is my duty to put out a story that is based on facts. It will not be a bunch of crap that some guy in Pennfield sitting in front of a crystal ball puts together.

Leafs – let’s be perfectly clear, they are better. When you’re 30th best in just about every category in a 30 team league, what else can you do? Yes, you can polish a turd if you have enough money and want to scrub really hard. Unfortunately, the games are decided by whoever puts the more goals in the other guy’s net than they do in yours. If it was won by who goons more, this team will be on top.

Prediction - Miss the playoffs again! They should hand out Shamwows to all Leafs fans to soak up the tears they will cry.


Habs – best team in Montreal since the 1994 Expos. Carey Price will not be drinking on all days that end in “Y” this year and will be solid between the pipes. He will be so good that Brodeur and Luongo will be carrying his bags at the Olympics. Gomez will fight for top spot in the scoring race and it appears that finally, there will be at least a half dozen Habs in the top 25.

Prediction - First or second place in the East and a playoff run that captivate the country and bring us altogether as one. I’m already booked into a hotel in Montreal for June to watch the parade.

Senators – can’t believe they took Montreal’s junk. I remember putting a three armed stuffed octopus in my trash one day and watching somebody pick it up and take it. You see where I’m going with this.

Prediction - These guys will fight with Toronto to get 9th or 10th place in the East. Nobody said Heatley was bright, but he is bright enough to read the writing when it’s on the wall.

Blue Jays – the 7th or 8th year of Ricciardi’s 5 year plan ain’t been so good. There were more people watching a horseshoe tournament in Piskahegan this summer than the Jays games lately. They should have traded Halladay in July instead of playing gotcha-let-ya-go with him. They will now trade him this winter and get a couple guys from the scrap heap. At least it won’t be Ricciardi making the deal.

Yankees – will probably win American League East and compete for the World Series. Money does buy happiness.

Red Sox – making a charge but won’t be serious contenders. Bostonians will see that when the Bruins hit the ice at Fenway that they aren’t the only guys from Boston lugging around a cold club in their hands.

Ratz New Signing Needs Spelling Lessons

Ratz Star Eric MacDonald Shows Passion for USA and Andy Moran's Family?

Walsh: Cheney Brings Wealth of Experience to Kingfishers Line up

Kingfishers Free Agent Signing Deke Cheney

Hockey Voice Issues Warning

Cold weather is upon us, keep your cock warm

Cunny Dusts off Crystal Ball

Hockey Voice Head Psychic Geoff Cunningham

The Leafs - For the first time in a long time, the Leaf Nation have something to look forward to. You know the old saying " you must walk before you can run? " Well, let's just say the Leafs are walking very fast these days. Their defense is huge (much like the Ratz ), Kaberle paired with Komisarek, Schenn paired with Beauchemin, Exelby paired with Van Ryn, and White with Finger. They did grow a set of balls over the summer, and they are about land Kessel. Colton Orr will play a solid three to four minutes every night. Expect a huge year from Kaberle. I forgot to mention that Jason Blake grew 6 inches over the Summer.
Prediction - Playoff birth this year, 2nd round exit out of playoffs, Stanley Cup Championship in 2011.

The Habs - Much improved up front with Gomez & Gionta. Hired a good French Coach. Huge hit losing Komisarek and replacing him with Hal Gill (yes, he has a Cup ring but he is hands down the slowest skater in the League if Jason Allison doesn't make the Leafs.) This is Price's Right Of Passage; chance to become the next Patrick Roy OR Jose Theodore.

Prediction - Playoff Birth- early exit. Gainey fired following season if he doesn't resign first.

Kovalev - New lease on life in Ottawa is not enough for this super talented, Heartless F***ING Russian. Father time is catching up with him. Good place for this moron. Will not return to glory years he had with Habs, will be told to hit the road much like BJ Ryan was with the Jays.

Senators - F***ING hate them. Can't wait until Alfredson and Kovalev skate into the corners with Exelby and Beauchemin. No defense, no goaltending, and no heart. All their European players are focused on the Olympics.

Sens miss the playoffs and continue their losing ways.

Blue Jays - I should be the GM of that team. That's all I have to say about that. 11 thousand fans at a game last week. Enough Said.

Yankees - 2010 World Champions.....Deal with it, Joe. New Stadium will have a new banner.

Red Sox - Pedroira, Youkulis, Bay, and Ellsbury are not enough. The team got old in a hurry not to mention that their pitching staff has not lived up to their expectations. Bullpen sucks. Ortiz, Lowell, Varitek, Beckett, Wakefield, are painful to watch these days. Yankees and their pitching staff beat them in 5 games in the League Championship.

Be happy with a playoff birth and regroup for next season.

Championship Sees Levesque Really "Styling" Now

Daniel Levesque with new outfit

Stevens Reminds Everybody Next Week is Moose Season

Moose Enthusiast Joseph D. Stevens

Bagley to Implement New Slogan

New Slogan for FIHL

Blacks Harbour, NB - FIHL Chief of Officials Josh Bagley says he's tired of all the whining going on in the league and that's why he's sending a message early this year. Bagley said, "I think Calm Down Bro pretty well says it all. I thought of Chill Pill, take a Valium and others but decided this was the one I'd go with."

Ratz to Hold Wayne Barrett Night

Ratz to Retire #5Ratz Star Late Wayne Barrett

Bonny River, NB - After receiving the blessing of the family, the Bonny River Ratz announced they will hold a special night for their late teammate Wayne Barrett who passed away in July. A pre-game ceremony will see the #5 rise up to the rafters and be forever retired from the team.

Team spokesman Mark Taylor said, "We have been planning this for quite some time and really needed to get Aleene's approval. She was really receptive to the idea and will definitely attend along with her daughter Brooke and son Brandon. As announced, we have patches that will be sewn on our jerseys for the upcoming season and this will kick the season off on the right foot. I know Wayne would be proud and happy to see this happening. We're really pleased that we can at least do some little thing to honour the time we spent with him and to keep his memory alive. We have some other things on tap but they are down the road. We have something in store for the Barrett family that we hope will show our appreciation and will be a lasting token of our admiration for Wayne."

The actual date and times are not known but will be announced as it becomes clear when the ice at Fundy Arena will be ready. The tentative date is October 25 but of course, is subject to change.

Pudge the Subject of Recent Jeopardy Question

Stevens Listed as Possible Local Gangster

Joe Stevens with His Home Boys

Cunningham Suspended by Hockey Voice After Attack

Hockey Voice Head Psychic Geoff Cunningham during recent attack

Bonny River, NB - Geoff Cunningham has been suspended by the Hockey Voice for "behaviour unbecoming of a psychic." Editor Mark Taylor said Cunningham landed at the office on the weekend wearing a crazy outfit and demanded to have his hockey insider job back. Taylor added, "We just thought it was Cunny being Cunny but he had a sword in his hand and that was cause for concern. The pointy ears were a much too."

Joe Walsh Reviews New Pitt Flick

Hockey Voice Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh

Inglourious Basterds

I never got to see this but I thought at first it was about a bunch of kids in my Grade 7 class. (Even the poor spelling is like them idiots.) That's why I never went to see it but I might now that I've heard people at work talking about it. Anyway, I guess this show is about Hitler and stuff, eh? I also think there's some kick ass Aerosmith tunes in the soundtrack too. If so, I hope they used their own version of Walk This Way instead of that one with Run DMC. I can't take that, man. Brad Pitt is in it the movie and I think Danny Devito or somebody that sounds like that directed it. There's all kinds of writing on the screen and I hear ya gotta watch closely 'cause you'll get lost and won't know what the hell is going on. I don't wanna ruin it for ya, but the I think the Germans lost in the end. I'm Joe Walsh.

Walsh and Bagley Seek Rule Change

Matty Walsh Attempting to get Helmet Rule Changed

Blacks Harbour, NB - FIHL Chief of Officiating Josh Bagley says he's seeking to get a rule change in light of Kingfishers star forward Matty Walsh's new hairdo. Bagley noted, "I can't see him getting hurt but we will need to get the approval of everybody in order for him to play without a helmet. If not, we will be looking to get him an old washing machine and tie it on with a rope. That's where we at with it right now."

Ratz Pay Tribute to Late Teammate

Patch to be worn by Ratz in 2009-2010 Season

Bonny River, NB - The Bonny River Ratz announced yesterday that when the puck drops this fall on another FIHL season, they will be remembering their old friend and teammate, Wayne Barrett who passed away this past summer. Team spokesman Mark Taylor said, "We never forgot him when he was living and we're not about to do it now. There was never a game that went by that somebody didn't mention Wayne or asked how he was doing. We felt that as a team we wanted to keep his memory alive and in some small way have him with us still."

Stevens Explains Chambers Omission in Announcements

Ratz Star Carl Chambers

Joe Stevens Meets with Reporters

Bonny River, NB - The Bonny River Ratz have been making some noise lately with major announcements and appointments in their staff and it apparently caught Carl Chambers off guard. Chambers noted in an telephone interview that he was not made aware that the positions were up for grabs. Chamber said, "I see where Andrew Moffitt got a scouting job and nobody told me about it. Stevens keeps everything in, and you read about in the Hockey Voice. That's where we get all of our information. To call it bullshit would really be an understatement. If Joe Stevens knew how many times Matty Walsh and Jason McGrattan call me in the run of a week, he'd be a little more open with the facts."

Meanwhile, Joe Stevens has his own version of the facts. He noted, "I put Carl in charge of recruiting and he couldn't handle the job. He came up empty so I felt that Moffitt had earned the job. If he wants to hang out with junk like Walsh and McGrattan, go right ahead. The Ratz still have lots of cash to throw around and he has to remember that life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread ya got, the less shit ya have to eat."

Pudge: "Protecting the Pills is Essential"

Ryan "Pudge" Lee Protects the "Twins"

Lepreau, NB - Ryan "Pudge" Lee, the perennial shot blocking champ in the FIHL met with reporters late Thursday night. Lee, who also lead the league in shots taken, noted that the key to shot blocking is to make sure Big Jim and the Twins are well looked after. Lee said, "When you're blocking shots, the last place you want to get hit is in the canakas. I know some guys wear a beer cap and a piece of bubble gum to protect themselves, but I make sure I have a good sized cup to make sure the boys aren't peeking out the side of it."

Kingfishers Fight Swine Flu Head On

Hoffman Helps Out Club

Kingfishers Star to Release New Album

Chad Chambers with latest release

Walsh "Worried" About MacQuarrie

Aaron MacQuarrie Before and After

Blacks Harbour, NB - Although Matty Walsh hasn't been able to contact all of his Kingfishers regarding contracts for the 2009-2010 season, he has met with star player Aaron MacQuarrie. Walsh noted that MacQuarrie "must have partied hard" this past summer as he looks like "pretty rough."

Walsh noted, "Although I'm worried about him, I think the new look may help to intimidate players from the other team. Nobody will want to go into the corners with a guy looking like that."

Stevens: McFarlane Could Possibly be Disciplined

Jason McFarlane at Calgary Stampede

Kingfishers Refuse to Comment on Chambers Arrest

Police move in on person believed to be Chad Chambers

Blacks Harbour, NB - Officials at Kingfishers refuse to comment on a story that star defenseman Chad Chambers has been arrested by Saint John Police. A very short press release reds, "It is the belief of Kingfishers management that there is no validity to the story on Mr. Chad Chambers. We will release information when we have been advised to do so."

Moffitt Named to New Post at Ratz Headquarters

Andrew Moffitt (Center) Celebrates New Job in New York

Bonny River, NB - Joe Stevens announced late Tuesday night that Andrew Moffitt has been named Director of Scouting for the Bonny River Ratz. In naming Moffitt, Stevens added, "Mr. Moffitt has demonstrated that he understands the blueprint of excellence we have developed and the type of player needed to achieve this."

Late last week, Moffitt announced he has brought in free agent Eric MacDonald and signed him to a one year deal. As Moffitt made his way through the crowded New York night club, he noted, "This is a tremendous day in my career. I look forward to the new challenges and forging new relationships with Ratz brass. This trust out in me will not be misplaced."

Matheson "Outraged" Over Hockey Story

XXX Star Scott Matheson relaxes after Hockey Voice interview

St. George, NB - Scott Matheson is hopping mad and went as far as to say "outraged" over yesterday's Hockey Voice story about him partying hard. In a telephone interview, Matheson noted, "Taylor knows I don't play the guitar with my left hand. I don't know who is sending in this crap, but it has to stop. If Matty Walsh is the director of photography, I think it's time for him to go. As far as I know, my future with the club has never been more clear. Pick on somebody else."

Meanwhile, Matty Walsh, defended the story. He said, "If Scott knew anything about photography, he'd know that when you take a picture everything is reversed. If it looks like you're playing your guitar with your left hand, it's actually the right. We at the Hockey Voice strive to be factual in our reporting and so far, we have not been proven to be incorrect in any stories to date."

Matheson back to his old ways, may be on the way out

Scott Matheson and other party goers

St. George, NB - It is not known if Scott Matheson is in the plans for the St. George XXX now that pictures have surfaced of him with a huge party going on in the background. The obvious drunk Matheson was playing guitar amongst half dressed people and everybody dancing hard. Team GM Jason McGrattan said he doesn't mind somebody having a beer but it's obvious that this is way too much. McGrattan added, "We will be focusing on this type of behaviour now that the season is getting closer."

McGrattan Refuses Drug Test

Jason McGrattan at 3 Mile Saturday Night

St. George, NB - Jason McGrattan thinks the Hockey Voice should focus on getting some serious journalism done and leave people like him alone. McGrattan was photographed over the weekend and the upset McGrattan noted, "This Hockey Voice stuff has gone crazy. Walsh and Gould buying Magic Genies on the Internet? C'mon, let's get serious. I'm not taking any drug test. I built my body the right way; with beer and burgers. You guys can all piss off."

Special Report: Gould a Victim of Same Internet Scam as Walsh

Mike Gould - Hot Dog Man

Pennfield, NB - Mike Gould is upset these days and for good reason. He sat down with the Hockey Voice late Monday and related his story of fraud and disappointment. Gould fought back tears but managed, "I asked the guy for references and he gave Matty Walsh's name and I felt that anything good enough for Matty is good enough for me. I pawned a bunch of stuff, scraped together the bucks and ordered a Magic Genie bottle. It came in the mail and I opened it immediately. The guy said I'd be granted one wish and one wish only. I asked to have the world's biggest wiener and now look at me."

Gould urges anybody to check things out before sending anybody any money. He has learned a hard lesson indeed.

Walsh Burned Again by Apparent Internet Scam

Matty Walsh with new cat

Blacks Harbour, NB - It marks the second time he's been burned by buying something on line and Matty Walsh says he's had enough.

Walsh met with reporters on Thursday and noted, "I was dealing with this guy and he casually mentioned he had a magic Genie bottle that could grant me ONE wish. I am not saying how much it cost, but let's just say it was substantial. I made the wish and as you can see by the photo, what I ordered and what I got are entirely different. I could have wished I was on the Ratz or something. My lawyer thinks I can get my money back though. In the meantime, anybody wants to buy a giant cat, give us a shout."

Ratz on the Verge of Major Announcements

McFarlane Celebrates New Appointment

Greg Justason (R) tells Monaghan of Ratz decision

Kevin Murray told "to hit the road"

Chris Richardson after being released by Ratz

Ratz Team Captain Joe Stevens Before Contract Talks

Bonny River, NB - Although it is too early to talk about all of the new signings, the usual tight-lipped Joe Stevens released some information that is perhaps preliminary but factual nevertheless. Stevens noted, "We have met with most players to date and regret to inform Ratz Nation that we have not been able to come to terms with some of their favourites. We have made what we feel were very generous offers to keep them, but in the end, we had to do what was best for the Ratz. Chris Richardson, Kevin Murray and Shawn Monaghan are leaving the organization as of today. We are happy to announce the appointment of Jason McFarlane to Senior Adviser to the VP of Player Development. All the guys took the news quite well. I think they know where we're coming from. I'm urging everybody to sit tight and hope the phone doesn't ring because this might not be over."

McFarlane was on hand to announce the signing of his brother Rick McFarlane to a one year deal. Rick McFarlane brings experience and stability to the Ratz.