FIHL Greats to Meet NHL Greats in St. Stephen March 11

Taylor Confirms Participation in Exhibition GameRatz Forward Mark Taylor Signs Deal

St. Stephen, NB - Matty Walsh is acting as the recruiting officer for the Charlotte County All Stars and said that he has just found the missing piece to the puzzle. Mark Taylor of the Bonny River Ratz has signed a deal and Walsh says this signing "gives the event instant credibility." An exhibition game between a group of former NHL stars is touring the area and and will be playing at the Border Arena on March 11.

Some of the NHLers whom are confirmed for this event are Brian Trottier, Billy Smith, Gary Leeman, Terry O’Reilly, Rick Middleton, Butch Goring, and recent hall of fame inductee Glenn Anderson and more names to be announced as we get closer to the event. Walsh said, "Once the NHL guys hear that Taylor is on board, I shudder to think who will be on board then. This is a great opportunity for the FIHL to show the people what we have going and also to see some guys who can put the biscuit in the basket. Some of the players I have assembled are Jeff Ross, Greg Groom, Mike England, Deke Cheney, Matt Walsh, Jeremy Mahar, Jason McGrattan, Mark Hatt, Ryan Weatherby, Justin Sweeney, and Martin Tatton. It's hard me to tell if they are in this so they can play with Taylor or want to try their luck against the NHL guys. We'll see."

Buchanan the Subject of FIHL Investigation

Buchanan Denies Taking Steroids

Bonny River, NB - Jim Buchanan met with reporters briefly Friday morning and flatly denied any use of any performance enhancing drugs. Buchanan said, "This is nothing more than Walsh, Harris and Groom and the rest of them idiots trying to deflect anything that's been coming at them. If a guy can't get in shape without somebody questioning it, that's pretty sad. Now if the Hockey Voice could find something else to talk about besides me that would be greatly appreciated. "

Walsh Jetting Around on Team's Dime?

Kingfishers Involved in Turmoil Over Walsh's Leisure Trips

Matty Walsh and Ski Bunny on Thursday

Blacks Harbour, NB - It didn’t take long for Josh Bagley to react to the rumours that Matty Walsh was buzzing around on the team’s plane. Bagley was visibly upset coming out of team headquarters Thursday evening and noted, “Okay, this guy (Matty Walsh) is in Florida one day and the next day he’s out skiing? Geez, I saw a friggin’ crow trying to jumpstart a porcupine on the side of the highway this morning it was so cold. Where in hell is that David Itchypussy now with all that crap about global warming? I want my palms greased a little bit and not the way Groom seems to be doing it either. This entire organization has some big problems, man. I'm freezing my ass off and other people are having a helluva time.”

Sweeney Says Fans Support Picking Up

NBCC St. Andrews' Upset of XXX Brings in Bigger Fan Base

Justin Sweeney Loads up his Truck with Fans

St. Andrews, NB - The victory last Sunday over the XXX has caused a great stir at the NBCC Campus in St. Andrews. Team coach Justin Sweeney was just arriving with a truck load of fans when contacted by the Hockey Voice. Sweeney said, "It's crazy really. You wouldn't think a win could turn things around but it has. I have brought in some new fans to meet the team."

Kingfishers Captain Caught in Scandal?

Groom Denies Any WrongdoingGreg Groom (L) Caught in a Money Exchange

Blacks Harbour, NB - FIHL officials are probing a serious allegation that Kingfishers Captain Greg Groom was involved in some sort of money laundering and/or gambling scheme. A picture was given to the Hockey Voice by an anonymous source and it clearly shows Groom attempting to give a bearded man some American cash.

Groom says he is fighting all the allegations. When contacted, he said, "Geez, the Hockey Voice again! How in hell would they know if I was paying somebody off or buying a ZZ Top box set? Everywhere you go, the Hockey Voice is there. I didn't do anything wrong and I'll be proving that. What a bunch of crap this is!"

Joe Walsh Takes a Vacation

Walsh Takes a Breather from the Hockey Voice

Joe Walsh Watches Hazardous Material Guys do the their Job

Pecker Pants, Florida - Joe Walsh said he just needed to take a break from the daily grind of the Hockey Voice. He said, "Well, man, we got that nomination thing and I thought it was time to re-charge the old batteries. I'll be back in a week or so."

Dugas Relaxes After Loss to Ratz

Dugas' New Hairdo a Big Hit on Team

Timberwolves Goalie Andrew Dugas Unwinds

Blacks harbour, NB - It was just hours after the loss to the Ratz Tuesday night and Andrew Dugas was spotted by the Hockey Voice biking through an unnamed Florida beach. Dugas said, "I wanted to beat them so bad but I knew that when Taylor got on the board early, it was going to be a tough night. He usually sparks the attack as he did when I was with them. I can't wait to face them again and I am guaranteeing a win right here, right now. Peace. By the way, I'd appreciate it if from now on, you could call me the King. Thank you very much."

NBCC St. Andrews Hosting Winter Carnival

St. Andrews, NB - The NBCC St. Andrews campus has announced it will be hosting a Winter Carnival on Jan 30 & Jan 31, at the college. It will be an excellent family outing according to Hockey Coach and Chief Bottle Washer Justin Sweeney. Sweeney noted, "There’s going to be inflatable fun houses and mazes for kids on Saturday the 31st, sumo-wrestling suits and a dunk tank on Friday evening (Jan 30), carnival games, prizes, access to our climbing wall (guardian permission for that one), clown, magician, some local entertainment, drop-off boxes for the local food bank, BBQ, young children’s play area and pretty much whatever else I can put together and fit in to our gym over the next couple weeks.

Admission is FREE…but the rides, foods, and games will cost you…but not much. If you show up Friday night, you’ll probably get a chance to dunk me as I’m wearing a clown costume. Any funds raised go to help the students afford their graduation (which they pay for out of pocket)."

Chamberlain on the Outs at Kingfisher Headquarters?

Kingfishers Growing Impatient with Players Unnamed Local Super Model with Local Hockey Hero

Blacks Harbour, NB - Chadster Chamberlain could be moved as soon as this weekend according to information received by the Hockey Voice. Chamberlain was not present at Monday night's game and speculation was that he was with a local super model enjoying an intimate dinner. Chamberlain was not available but acting Team GM Jamie Harris said, "I can confirm that we are looking at all of our options. Several teams are in the mix at this time. Chamberlain is a fixture with the Kingfishers and indeed a local hockey hero. Matty Walsh is in Florida and I haven't been able to speak to him about this issue. No further comment."

Walsh Taking a Break in the Action

Walsh Expected Back for Sunday's GameMatty Walsh Walks Along Florida Beach Wednesday

Pecker Pants Beach, Florida - The constant media glare of the FIHL has caught up with Kingfishers GM Matty Walsh. Walsh jetted out of town Tuesday night on the team's plane for Florida. When reached in Pecker Pants Beach, Walsh noted, "Is there not any privacy any more? I want to relax and wear my new bathing suit and you guys are here! I'm gonna hit you so f***ing hard it will kill the both of us."

The Hockey Voice Receives Prestigious Nomination

The Hockey Voice Nominated for Golden Partridge AwardHockey Voice Editor Mark Taylor Receives Word of Nomination

Bonny River, NB - The news of a prestigious award nomination is something that can inspire a staff and Wednesday morning's meeting was full of inspiration. Word that The Hockey Voice had been nominated for a Golden partidge Award shot through the little hamlet in a flash. The publication was nominated in the Best Sports Publication category. The Golden Partridge is given out to the Charlotte County media for excellence in reporting.

Geoff Cunningham Overcome with Emotion

Meanwhile, Hockey Voice Psychic Geoff Cunningham was so taken back by the nomination, he broke down. He managed, "I'm so frigging happy for everybody here. We've worked so hard to make this work. When Taylor hired me, he said he would do everything to help me do my job and he has. I gotta go, man."

Hockey Voice Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh

TO, Baby, To - Joe Walsh said that when he heard the news, he put on his Ratz jersey. He noted, "I knew this could happen, but didn't know if it would. We're up against the Legion Sports section in the Courier, so we'll have our work cut out for us."

VP of Operations Chris Richardson

Pilltown, NB - Chris Richardson was leaving for a meeting but did say, "I looked at the number of hits that the Voice has been receiving and knew something positive would have to happen. There's people up in this area that don't have 300 hits, so I think you know what I'm trying to say."

Matty Walsh Talks to Delegates in the Media Industry

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh was in a meeting with media delegates but came out and spoke to the press briefly. He noted, "Look, I'm not surprised by the nomination. Beating the Legion Sports section of the Courier will be tough but I know Taylor and he is a competitor. His TV show took on TV Bingo and did really well in the ratings, so I'm not too concerned about this. The staff is all abuzz and we're planning a big party."

Gould Takes on Coaching Job with Seahawks

Exclusive: Gould Sits Down with Hockey Voice

Seahawks Head Coach Mike Gould

HV: Mike, I understand you turned down a tryout for the Bonny River Ratz early in the season. What caused you to do that?

MG: I looked at it at the time the roster they had was like the who's who of Industrial Hockey on the world. They had Taylor and Stevens of course and so many others that to be honest with you, I felt intimidated by them. Those guys are in tip top shape, real athletes, know what I mean? I am more used to going to the rink and having a few cool ones and felt that it would be best if I stated away. They are my hockey heroes and I'd probably just stand around with my jaw wide open.

HV: What sort of deal did they offer you?

MG: Well, this is a bit strange but they offered me exclusive rights to a treestand in Lee Settlement for all of deer season. They also offered me 50 dozen beer bottles, a moose roast and a 10 lbs. of moose steak.

HV: And you turned it down?

MG: Well, you see, I figured if I took it and somebody chopped down the treestand or burned it, I'd be screwed. Certainly the rest of the deal was tempting. They said they'd make sure it was fresh whenever I needed it, no frozen meat at all.

HV: What are your plans for the coaching gig?

MG: I'd like to see some Ratz style hockey if possible and I'm looking to Ratz Star Andrew Moffitt to bring that into the fold. They play the dump and dump style instead of dump and chase and that's something of interest as well. I will be talking to the goalies about Mark Taylor's caterpillar style of goaltending that he developed. I don't think we have any 800 goal scorers on the team, so that will make it hard. Hey, I know The Hockey Voice is a big deal and I'm not going to sit here and tell you all my secrets or plans. Guys like Matty Walsh would just love to go and blab it all over the place and it ain't happening. This is over man.

Who is in Charge at Kingfishers Headquarters?

Harris Dishes out Discipline, Walsh Quiet

Jamie Harris Partying Tuesday Night

Blacks Harbour, NB - Despite being on top, acting team GM Jamie Harris decided to shake up the club Wednesday. He called out two players for missing an important game Monday night in St. Andrews and suspended Chris Hoffman for behaviour he deemed to be "detrimental to the welfare of the team."

Harris sent an e-mail that the Hockey Voice obtained Tuesday that mentioned the missing player's outside activities involving chicken wings, Chinese buffet, boozing and womanizing. Yet Harris is quick to dispel rumours he is concerned about the drinking on the team. He said, "No, the boys know when to say when and that's important. Hoffman's suspension has nothing to do with booze either. I just thought it was getting late in the season and the focus isn't there. He may not be the last either. I'm gonna drive the car now for awhile and Walsh can sit in the back seat and make faces and wave. Make no mistake. I am in charge."

Now This Explains a lot of Stuff!

The Theory of Intelligence

from Cliff of Cheers

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

XXX Squander Chance to Grab Top Spot

Ratz Topple Timberwolves, NBCC St. Andrews down XXX

Captain Joe Stevens Relaxes After Big Ratz Win Tuesday

Ratz Topple Timberwolves, NBCC St. Andrews down XXX

Blacks Harbour, NB – The Bonny River Ratz grabbed sole possession of third place in the Fundy Industrial Hockey League Tuesday night by beating the Blacks Harbour Timberwolves 4-2. The hotly contested game was clean and fast with many good scoring chances at both ends. Mark Taylor, Eric Lee, Joe Stevens and Carl Chambers potted singles for the Ratz while Alex Matheson and Murray Tucker replied for the Timberwolves.

Ratz team captain Joe Stevens was pleased with his club’s performance and remarked that the goaltending was superb at both ends. Stevens said, “Andrew Dugas made some brilliant saves to keep them in it and I’m certainly not taking anything away from our tender Warren Giesbrecht who was also very sharp.”

Timberwolves captain Daniel Levesque said his team performed well and had some problems solving Giesbrecht. He noted, “Their goalie made some key saves as did our goalie. Hey, when you have a 4-2 game in this league, it has to be a good game no matter what. We just would have preferred to be on the winning side but that’s hockey.”

The big surprise had to be the game between the NBCC St. Andrews Campus and the St. George XXX. The expansion NBCC squad has had some growing pains and has been on the bad end of some lopsided losses. Yet they managed to grab a 6-5 lead and despite late game penalty trouble, managed to keep the score in tact. The XXX are still in second place and squandered an opportunity to leap frog past the idle Fundy Kingfishers for top spot.

The also idle Blackland Twisters dropped back to fourth place with the Ratz win. They are followed by the Timberwolves and NBCC St. Andrews and Lepreau make up sixth and seventh place respectively.

Cunny's Crystal Ball Back by Popular Demand!

The Hockey Voice Head Psychic Geoff Cunningham

1. Chris Richardson's little guy Tom's first words will be "HABS." I went through that with my own kids and we wanted to hear "Daddy" or "Mommy" and it simply didn't happen.
2. Taylor will suffer a back injury that will be directly linked to him carrying the Ratz on his back. It will not be a long term deal as Stevens and company will wake up and pitch in.
3. The Hockey Voice will be nominated for a Golden Partridge Award as Charlotte County's top sports publication in early 2009.
4. A feud will develop between Matty Walsh and Jason McGrattan. McGrattan will tell Walsh not to feel so cocky all the time. Walsh will reply that it is impossible to do that when you have holes in your pockets.

Stevens Back in Ratz Line Up

Stevens: "It's All About Math"

Ratz Captain Joe Stevens Meets with Press Monday

Bonny River, NB - Joe Stevens credits math with the speedy recovery he made from what team doctors had feared was perhaps a season-ending injury. Stevens said, " I had been reporting in with Mark Taylor the percentage that I felt my body was at for any given time. We talked Saturday afternoon and I indicated that at that time I felt I was at nearly 85 %. He said that simple math would tell you that if I drank 3 beer at 5 % each, I would be 100 %. Well, as it turned out, I surpassed that mark and was feeling well over 100 % Saturday night and decided it was time to return. I am very thankful that I paid at least a little attention in math calss in school. This is a tip for all the boys and girls out there that think math will never help you. I am living proof it does. "

Walsh: Officiating Top Notch

Bagley on top of Game

Director of Officiating Josh Bagley Sunday Night

Blacks Harbour, NB - Kingfishers Matty Walsh claims that his buddy Josh Bagley has been doing a top notch job. He noted, "Try doing it for a game boys and you'll see it ain't all what it's cracked up to be. Matheson and Juggy and all their old ugly chicks can piss off."

Matheson's Lady Friend Shows Her Disapproval

Matheson: "I Have Put it Behind Me But Not Everybody Has!"

XXX Fan Gives it to Walsh and Bagley

St. George, NB - Scott Matheson met with reporters late Sunday and said he just wishes people would leave him alone and let him play the game he loves. Matheson was responding to reports regarding a XXX fan who gave Matty Walsh the finger as they left league headquarters recently.

Matheson added, "This lady is an old friend of me and Juggy's and that's all I'm saying. Just because me and Juggy and her were all in love, what does that matter? Does the Hockey Voice need to pry into people's personal lives? Geez, I see where you printed a picture of one of JJ Hyslop's old girlfriends. I think you should focus on the on-ice action. This lady doesn't like Matty Walsh and Josh Bagley and I can't help that. No further comment."

Ratz Paid in Full, Still More Money Needed

FIHL Cannot Finance Games

Blacks Harbour, NB - The current financial status of the FIHL has made it necessary to draw everybody's attention to this very important issue. Games costing almost $300 a shot have made it imperative that all teams chip in their fair share. The offending teams have been contacted regarding this. It is now down to two teams that are short with one being substantial under-paid, so much so that the league is considering drastic measures in order to cut losses to a minimum.

The league is no different than any business and it needs money to operate. The $4,100 per team was deemed to be sufficient to run the league for the duration of the season. Anything less than this puts the rest of the teams in a bad situation as they will have to make up the deficiency.

We started out this season as friends and we don't need to money to come between that friendship. We all have our rivalries and heat of the moment moments. At the end of the game, there isn't anybody who couldn't sit down and have a cold one with anybody and that is what this league is about. They don't call these beer leagues for no reason. I don't think anybody would be happy to be told that they have reached the end of the season.

Consequently, we are all calling on the teams that are short in their payments to step up to the plate and pay at once.

Thank you

The FIHL

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.....

Van Horne Sidelined for 6 WeeksXXX Star Chris Van Horne Meets with Press Sunday

Blacks Harbour, NB - The St. George XXX suffered a major setback on the weekend when the learned that their star player Chris Van Horne had been injured and would be out of the lineup for 6 weeks. Van Horne reportedly was sliding and got a separated shoulder and broken collarbone. The injury occurred when Van Horne was sliding down Devil's Cellar in the MacDougall Lake area in a kayak and wiped out.

Team General Manager Jason McGrattan was swift with his punishment and suspended Van Horne for 6 weeks. McGrattan noted, "We had to do something. This is the type of behaviour that we need to avoid. If we allow this, then it opens up a big bag of worms, know what I'm saying?"

Richard: "I'm All Done Boys"

WOW ! Richard Need to Butt OutFrank Richard Relaxing With a Few Cigs New Year's Eve

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Hockey Voice obtained a picture if Kingfishers Frank Richard lighting up and he was quick to defend it. Richard said, "Hey, I made a New Year's Revolution to give them up. I want all the kids out there to make sure they don't smoke. It's a bad habit and I just wanted to have one last puff before I gave them up New Year's Eve."

Walsh: Juggy and Taylor Crack Me Up!

XXX Back Into First, Walsh Not WorriedKingfishers Matty Walsh Shares a Laugh

Blacks Harbour, NB - The St. George XXX vaulted back into first place by virtue of a 5-2 win over the Blackland Twisters in St. Andrews Thursday night. The win gives the XXX 28 points, one better than the idle Kingfishers. The Kingfishers have played only 16 games vesus the 17 XXX has played.

Still, Kingfishers Matty Walsh finds everything very funny. He noted, "I find McGrattan and Taylor to be the funniest guys around. Couldn't count their balls twice and get the same number. We have played one less game than XXX too. By the way, why are we even talking about the Ratz? Geez, they're in 17th place or something ain't they? I gotta go, man. This is cracking me up! Also Taylor tells me Juggy was 82 yesterday? He looks good for his age but I think he could move faster if he worked out a bit."

Harris Says FIHL Needs to Promote Literacy

Harris: "We Need to be on the Cutting Edge"

Jamie Harris Displays Unique Teaching Method

Blacks Harbour, NB - A very frank and open Jamie Harris sat down with the Hockey Voice late Thursday afternoon. The topic on Harris' mind was literacy. He noted, "A lot of kids can't order beer in a bar and I think it's time to change that. I am putting together a strategy that will allow us to go to the schools and teach the kids the important stuff. We will have blocks of letters that will help out. When it's all said and done, words like Beer, Alpine, Moose Dry and Men's Bathroom will become second nature. That's my goal anyway."

FIHL Gives Advice to the Male Readers

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Twisters Fans Anxiously Awaiting Playoffs

Hyslop: "A Very Dear Friend is Very Excited"

Blackland, NB - JJ Hyslop visited team headquarters on Wednesday with a lady he calls "a very dear friend." He noted, "Maggie has been a friend of mine for a long time. We used to date off and on when I was in high school. She wants to see me play in the FIHL playoffs and is pretty excited as I am. She enjoys the odd smoke and we're all cool with that. She was much prettier when I was younger and drunker."

Cunny Issues Warning

Cunny: "Bee" Safe Pennfield, NB - Geoff Cunningham issued a warning and it is serious business. Cunny says, "I wanted to tell all the boys and girls out there that they should get an adult to check the ice before skating or driving a 4 wheel drive on any ice. The best way to do this is to send out your heaviest friend carrying a 24."

Johnson Another Ratz Player on the Move

WOW ! This just in..............Johnson Working Out

Ratz Star Mark Johnson

Bonny River, NB - Mark Johnson of the Ratz unleashed a bombshell when he arrived at team headquarters today. Johnson has been out of the line up for a few games and the team was told it was due to work commitments. When he arrived, he pulled off his shirt and revealed a very different physique (as seen above). Johnson said, "Anybody who wants to know why I'm the real deal, check this out. I saw that Stevens had been working out and I decided to do the same. I switched over to drinking the big 750 ml cans of beer and find that swilling suds while doing curls is a big help. My name is Mark Johnson not Ben Johnson so don't start any shit about me being on the roids."

Joe Walsh Adds Some Humour to FIHL with Top 2 of 2009

WOW ! This just in..............The Top Jokes of 2009 (so far)Hockey Voice Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh

T.O. Baby, T.O. - Hey man, I got a couple good ones for you and I don't mean anything illegal.

1. A little guy comes home from school and tells his Mom that he knew the answer to a question that nobody else in the class knew. She said, "WOW! That's great son! What is it? He said, "Who farted?"
2. A man and his lady friend were out having a candlelight dinner together. He said, "I have a test for you and I'd like to see how you answer it. Can you say something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time?" She said, "No problem honey. Your dick is bigger than your brother's!"

Ross VS Ross Tilt Talk of the Town

Ross Brothers Duke it Out

Jamie and Jeff Ross Unleash the Knuckles in Tuesday Night FIHL Action

Blacks Harbour, NB - In what many promoters were calling Brutha to Brutha, the scrap Tuesday night between Jamie Ross (XXX) and Jeff Ross (Kingfishers) left everybody wanting more. Kingfishers GM Matty Walsh said, "I went and grabbed my camera and got a shot of the tilt immediately. I am not saying who won but we need a rematch for sure. Like the guy said to me one time when I had booster cables in my hands, Hey, don't be starting anything. I'm not, but I ain't shutting anything down either."

Kingfishers Release Swim Suit Calendar

Meet Mr. January 2009

Matty Walsh is Mr. January

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Fundy Kingfishers just released a swimsuit calendar and Matty Walsh was picked as Mr. January. Walsh said, "We felt we wanted to do something for charity and that Big Brothers-in-Law would be the best fit for us. Big Brothers-in-Law is for people that don't have brothers-in-law and you just call them and they'll send over a guy with no job, 4 or 5 days growth and he will sleep on your couch and eat all your grub and drink all your beer."

Report: Stevens Not Sitting Around Getting Fat

Ratz Captain Bulking Up Injured Ratz Captain Joe Stevens

Bonny River, NB - A report out of Ratz Headquarters states that Team Captain has gone from 42 % to 60 % and is approaching a return soon. The news cannot be good for teams that will be facing the big star. He has been working out feverishly since he was diagnosed with a soft tissue injury and was put on the disabled list "indefinitely" by team doctors. In fact, one report says the Ratz have ordered a pup tent with the Ratz logo and a #88 on the back for Stevens to wear when he returns.

Kingfishers Edge into First Place, Ratz Triumphant

Race for Top Spot Hotly Contested

XXX Goalie Nick Ganong Big Part of Team's Success

Ratz Shawn Monaghan (L) and Greg Justason (R) Share Puck Stories

Blacks Harbour, NB - The continuing battle for top spot continued Tuesday night and this round went to the Kingfishers who won 9-3. The Kingfishers were back-stopped by rookie sensation Lorne Grant who is turning some heads with his stellar play.

The win leap-frogged them birds into fist place with 27 points, one more than the XXX's 26. The XXX and Kingfishers have both played 16 games but the XXX play Thursday night in St. Andrews versus the Blackland Twisters and will be able to jump back to top spot if they can get the W.

In the other game Tuesday, Andrew Moffitt's hat trick and team leading point-getter Greg Justason's pair paced the Ratz to a 6-2 victory over the Twisters. The game marked the return of Ratz goalie Warren Giesbrecht and he was solid. The win put the Ratz (17 points) to within 1 point of the Twisters (18 points) in the fight for 3rd spot.

Barrett in the Fight of His Life

Ratz Player Wayne Barrett Needs our Hopes and Prayers

FIHL Group Photo November 2007 with Wayne Front & Center

Back Bay, NB - A lot of people who play in the league may not know Wayne Barrett. He was an original Ratz guy from way back and has been battling the disease that seems to be all too common these days and that is cancer. During his battle, he has had several ups and downs and is currently suffering a setback that is causing great difficulty for the big guy. To further complicate the issue, infection is playing a part in him being able to fight the cancer.

These things have a way of waking people up and help them realize there are more important things than what you are facing in your life and that others are not as fortunate as you. We all do it and we all need to stop and think about what we're doing. A flat tire or a scratch on our car is really not that big of a deal. I know it is an old saying but it fits, "At least you have your health."

Those of you who do know Wayne know he is a no-nonsense tough as nails type guy who will not take this without a fight. Still, the Ratz and the FIHL family are asking that you include Wayne and his family in your thoughts and prayers as he needs all the help he can get.

Hockey Voice and Reporting

Editor Addresses Issue One More Time

Even though I may be the guy that writes most of the stuff in this blog, I don't consider it to be MY blog. This is a nice way to report on our league and have a little fun at the same time. The recent incident was one that I felt needed to be reported on sooner than later. Nobody wants to read about things a week after the fact. I intentionally left out all opinions and tried to stay with what facts were being presented at the time. I would do the same if it were the Ratz, Kingfishers, or whoever. I don't pick favourites here. I had a long talk with Scott last night and we never really even discussed the matter. I know he would like to be able to turn back the clock and do things differently. I don't think he has any ill feelings toward anybody as that is not his style and nor should he for that matter. I'm sure he will be out digging and hustling the next game like nothing happened.

Our officials need our support and are the backbone to this league. They are vital to the survival of it. Even though I have never officiated a hockey game, I have done so with baseball, softball and basketball. These were in similar situations where I had friends who were playing. The way the games are played with all the speed it is pretty tough to intentionally put the screws to a player on purpose. All calls are made in split seconds with no time to think beforehand. I tip my hat to anybody who gives their time to do this and although there is money involved, some nights it must not be worth it.

This has been dragged around a lot and I'm not adding any fuel to the fire. It is closed and I would bet 100 dozen beer bottles we will never be discussing any more negative incidents with Scott Matheson again.

In closing, I do want to say that I appreciate the posting that somebody did on this blog. Everybody has an opinion and I respect that. I encourage anybody to do so at any time.

Whether you agree or disagree, you can have your say and I will not take that away.

New Approved Drug Jumps on Sponsor Bandwagon

WOW ! This just in..............
Blacks Harbour, NB - A new drug has been added to the long list of league sponsors. "Fukitol seems like the way to go if things are starting to get you down. I have been on it for about 10 years and it works great!" says Kingfisher General Manager Matty Walsh.

New Safety Device Installed at Fundy Arena

WOW ! This just in..............

New Device Installed in Response to Popularity

Blacks Harbour, NB - If you spot a fire at the Fundy Arena, please touch this. Hammer is the new fire-fighting guy. The addition was in response to the overwhelming popularity of Hammer with guys like Matty Walsh and Jamie Harris. Harris still has the baggy hammer pants that he wears around the house.

Bagley's Fans Form FIHL's First Fan Club

WOW ! This just in..............

Above - Young Fan with Bagley Likeness and Below - the Man Himself Catching Flies

Blacks Harbour, NB - Due to the overwhelming popularity of the FIHL and Kingfishers star Josh Bagley, a group of fans have formed a fan club for the big D man. Bagley said, "I am both flattered and puzzled. It's not that a fan club was formed, it's that I'm the first. Look, Taylor and Stevens have all them points and stuff, and yet I get my own fan club? Hell, I was putting together a plan to form a Mark Taylor Fan Club and now this has happened."

FIHL Addresses Violation

Matheson Subject of Suspension by League

Blacks Harbour, NB - During a game Sunday night, January 4, 2009 between the XXX and Lepreau Pirates, XXX forward Scott Matheson was assessed a charging penalty by official Baxter Stuart. What happened after that is not exactly clear, but it has been reported by Stuart and others in attendance that Matheson pushed the official. The FIHL constitution does make reference to punishment in the event of such a situation. It states:

B. Special Situations
i) Attempt to Injure/Official Abuse
Any attempt to deliberately injure another player or official will result in an automatic Match penalty. The player will be subject to review by the Board. If a player is found to have attempted to injure, he will be subject to a minimum suspension of 5 games.

If contact is made with an official, he will automatically be ejected from the current game and receive a minimum of 1 game suspension as well he will be subject to further action deemed appropriate by the board, including possible expulsion from the league.

Chief Official Josh Bagley issued a 1 game suspension to Matheson and it is to be served immediately. Officials from all teams have not weighed in on the matter at press time and it is possible that additional time could be added.

No comment has been received from Matheson or team GM Jason McGrattan.

Ratz Goalie Warren Giesbrecht to Make Return Tuesday

WOW ! This just in..............

Ratz Goalie Warren Giesbrecht

Bonny River, NB - Team Captain Joe Stevens said that although his status is doubtful for Tuesday's game versus the Twisters, Warren Giesbrect is expected to make his return. Stevens said, "We are glad to have Warren back. That's not to say we weren't pleased with Ganong and Grant as replacements because we were. Also, I hear JJ Hyslop got the Ratz flu and won't be playing. He should get some of the vaccine from Matty Walsh. I hear they're pretty tight. What a joke both of those guys are. We expect to have Andrew Moffitt back too. Look out."

Hockey Voice Exclusive!!!!!!!

Harris Says Walsh has Lost It!!!!!

Blacks Harbour, NB - The Hockey Voice has learned that the Fundy Kingfishers have called an emergency meeting to discuss the mental condition of GM Matty Walsh. Jamie Harris stormed into club headquarters late Friday and offered, "I think Walsh has lost it. I saw a picture of him all decked out in a cute green outfit. He knows green is not his colour and that's what bothers me most. We will be holding some closed door meetings over this. No further comments."

New FIHL Slogan for 2009

League Unveils New Billboard for 2009

From the Archives

Harris Upset over New Urinals at Fundy Arena

New Urinals Have to Go!

Blacks Harbour, NB - Jamie Harris was in no jovial mood when he visited Fundy Arena today. Harris said, "These have got to go, man. I don't find this funny at all. I think McGrattan or Stevens may be behind this, but it's hard to say. I will be advising league officials of this despicable act and will get it rectified."

FIHL Adds Camping Gear Company to League Sponsor List

"Sleepy Bags" the Official Camping Gear of the FIHL Sleepy Bags

Blacks Harbour, NB - Joining an vast array of companies signing up to sponsor the FIHL, Sleepy Bags announced its intention to be the official camping gear of the FIHL. Wally Nutsack, president of Sleepy Bags met with reporters late Thursday to announce the move.

Nutsack said, "We feel that due to the rural area of the FIHL, our company would be a nice fit for it. We had a kind of play on words but our Sleepy Bags sleeping bags are warm and cozy and will fight off any chill the weather can bring. I want to thank Josh Bagley for all his support to make this whole thing possible."

FIHL: Suspicious Activities Around St. Stephen a "Concern"

FIHL Probes Allegations of Terrorism in Border Town

Nate Sharkey (L) and Ryan Weatherby (R) Center of Investigation

Sharkey amd Weatherby in Disguise on New Year's Eve

Blacks Harbour, NB - FIHL officials met behind closed doors all morning and had little to share with the press. At the center of the meeting were allegations made by anonymous sources that two members of the league were involved in terrorist activities. Unconfirmed reports have Nate Sharkey of the Lepreau Pirates and Ryan Weatherby as being the two involved. The group known to many as the Pilltown Taliban have reportedly been secretly meeting for a number of months and were planning attacks on landmarks in the Eastern Charlotte area. One unconfirmed report had the duo stealing a 3 wheeler and crashing it into the apartment complex on the east side of St. George known to many in the area at the Twin Towers. The Twin Towers are located between Lakewood Fitness and APM Auto Parts and are visible from the #1 Highway.

An FIHL press release states, "Although everybody is guilty from the get-go in the FIHL, we reserve any judgement on this affair until a thorough investigation can be completed. Mr. Weatherby and Mr. Sharkey are aware of the investigation and have cooperated with league officials. This type of activity is a huge concern of the league and will be dealt with in a swift and pretty fair manner."

Hyslop Signs One Game Deal with Kingfishers

Hyslop: "Kingfishers Seem Very High Falutin'"Sign on Kingfishers Head Office

Blacks Harbour, NB - The ink had barely dried on the one game deal JJ Hyslop signed with the Kingfishers for Tuesday's tilt against the XXX and already he is questioning his decision. He noted, "I know a lot of the guys that play on that team and didn't know they were so high class. They have a dress code at their head office that says it is a four tooth minimum. Now that's pretty bad. I have signed up and can't go back on my word.

I will be in the net facing the Ratz Tuesday night as well before this game. Harris said that all I need to focus on in that game is Taylor. If I can manage to shut him down, I'll shut down the Ratz. We'll see how that goes."