Hockey Voice Offers In-Depth Look at Men's Olympic Team

Stevens meets with janitor and other delegates at Saskatoon announcement

Hockey Insider Joe Stevens

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan - The Hockey Voice sent hockey insider Joe Stevens to Saskatoon to check out the unveiling of the 2010 Men's Olympic team. Stevens said he was "astounded" by the interest there in the Bonny River Ratz and secondly, the 2010 Men's Canadian Olympic team.

"Of course, they all knew me and Taylor already, having been big readers of the Hockey Voice and fans of the Ratz. I was wearing sunglasses around, trying to stay out of the spotlight and let the Olympic team have the stage but it's hard when you're playing for the Ratz. After they got the roster all announced, and I started hollering about there not being any Habs on the team, I was whisked away from the microphones for some reason," said Stevens in a telephone interview late Wednesday.

" I was yelling about where Hal Gill was and then found out later that he was an American. I did go up and apologize for that one though. I figured Carey Price, Ryan O'Byrne, Mike Cammalerri, Max Pachoretti, Matt D'Agostini, Maxim Lapierre and other household names would be on the roster, but it seems Yzerman has a bit of a prejudice against the Canadiens. I never got a chance to talk to him about the roster. It appears he was more interested in being on TSN and stuff. I did talk to a guy sweeping the floors and he agreed with me. We pounded back a 40 of rum after that. All in all, it was a good trip and I'm just happy the Hockey Voice had the confidence in me to do a good job. Some twisted!" noted Stevens.

The Hockey Voice looks back on weddings of 2009

Joe Walsh in his simple but effective look

Jamie Harris received rave reviews for his look

Everybody marvelled at Matt Hall's beautiful dress

The Hockey Voice Annual Christmas Party a hit!

Bagley to appear on popular game show

FIHL Chief of Officiating Joshua Bagley

St. George, NB - It appears that in the new year, Josh Bagley will be taking a hiatus from the rigors of hockey and take part in his favourite game show. "I made the cut I guess. I'm excited to meet Pat and Vanna and all the crew. I'm donating all my winnings to the FIHL as everybody has been so supportive of me over the years," noted Bagley in an exclusive Hockey Voice interview.

Walsh's Hockey Career in Toilet

Kingfishers former star Matty Walsh

Blacks Harbour, NB - After what he calls a "dismal performance" Sunday night, Matty Walsh vows to rebound. The problem is that he won't be able to do it until January 4 when they visit the Whalers in St. Andrews. "My career is in the toilet now. I sit and watch guys like Taylor and Stevens doing it night after night and I'm just not there right now. I'll be back, ain't nobody flushing this turd away yet," says Walsh.

Dugas: "I'm ready to retire now!"

Dugas grabs Ratz Player of the Game Award

Andrew Dugas with Ratz Cap and Ratz Trackz CD

Bonny River, NB - Goaltender Andrew Dugas says his hockey career has come full circle now and could walk away tomorrow a happy man. "I won the Fish Bowl, the Big Show and now I have been awarded the Ratz Cap Player of the Game and got an authentic Ratz Trackz CD. What else is there?" said a very emotional Dugas after he backstopped the Ratz to a shootout loss Sunday night.

Last minute tips from Santa Cunny

Santa Cunny

• Make sure you buy your booze first before buying any gifts. The last thing you want to do is to run out of booze money. You can always downsize somebody's gift if necessary.
• Need a little dough for New Year's? Why not throw a party around Christmas to get enough beer bottles to go out on New Year's?
• Running a little short on booze? Why not get up and tell somebody to leave immediately? It's your place, you don't have to give an explanation. Make sure they don't get their hands on their booze when they leave (very important).
• Get a photocopy of a $100 bill and put it in an envelope. Tell the person you couldn't get to the bank to get a real one. You're gonna get one as soon as the bank opens up again (yah right!) Make sure you give this to somebody who's really plastered.
• If you're in a big line up, put your hands over your mouth and holler that you're gonna be sick. People will clear out like crazy and you can move to the front of the line. Tell everybody you're headed right to the hospital as soon as you get waited on.
• Don't buy anybody a gift is another option. Wait and see what you get. For every gift you get, tell the giver that you ordered theirs a long time ago and it ain't come in yet. This will give you some time to take inventory after Christmas and possibly re-gift some bad shit you got and if necessary, go and buy some cheap stuff after Christmas. Example: You get a Wii gaming system from somebody. Give them a $20 Tim Card and that you're waiting on the rest of their gift to come in. In the meantime, you get some long underwear and pair of slippers as well. Wrap up the underwear and slippers in different paper after Christmas and give them to the person who gave you the Wii. Here's your line: "I know this doesn't look like very much compared to the Wii, but the slippers retail for $500 in any store." Make sure you don't leave any skid marks on the undies. (very important)

Cunny: "Have a drug free Christmas"

Geoff Cunningham and unnamed friend who likes #13

Stevens: "Be patient, Santa is on his way!"

Joe Stevens opens early Christmas gift after Santa visits Bonny River

It happened one year ago in the Hockey Voice!

Walsh Reviews Taylor's Live Album
Shots From the Road is Not Destined to Be a Classic!

It is a Classic!
Mark Taylor's New Live Album

T.O. - The Hockey Voice Entertainment Critic Joe Walsh said the new live effort by Mark Taylor was the "most highly anticipated album of the year in the world." Walsh added, "A lot of people in Toronto enjoy the wholesome sound of Taylor's tunes. In fact, That Bastard's Parents Were Married! hit #1 on CKOC up here. It's a nice tune to dance to and I guess it caught the public's ears. The live version is the best though with the harmonica and acoustic only. WOW! The Hero of Husky Balls closes out the show and it rocks. All the big hits like Everything is Going Wrong (The Sexy Bax Song), Hockeystar, A Lot of that Bullshit is True are all on it. The new 2008 wedding song Commando (She's Wearing the Pants But Not the Panties) is everywhere and the live version really shows off his pipes.

If you buy one album this Christmas, it's gotta be Mark Taylor - ALIVE! Shots from the Road.

Rated 5.5 out of 5."

Walsh receives crown

Matt Walsh - King of Duct Tape

Christmas Poem from Sami the Timekeeper

To all the FIHL teams
It's Christmas time again it seems
With your sticks and skates
And Holiday Cheer
Let's play some hockey
And drink some beer

Time flies it's true
When you're having fun
Our third year together
Is almost done

When Christmas is over
It will be more the reason
To continue on
With our hockey season

So to the seven teams
I adore so dear
Have a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Sami (your timekeeper)

One of Ganong's childhood pictures surfaces

Nick Ganong has always had a way with the ladies

Stevens hopes for a cold snap soon

Joe Stevens in Bonny River Friday afternoon

Bonny River, NB - Joe Stevens said he'd like to see it get a little colder so it would be possible to get a game of pond hockey going. "With weather like we've been having here in Bonny River, it doesn't look like we'll get much pond hockey going. It's funny because all I hear is people complaining about the cold and I don't understand it," said Stevens who was just returning from a 4 wheeler ride.

Cunny releases first submission in new role

Funny Cunny

Explanation: You see, a lot of dogs hump your leg, right? This dog has an inflatable leg that he is gonna blow up and hump. Kinda like a lot of people I know. I always tell them when they start yapping at me, "Hey buddy, save some of that hot air. You might need it to blow up your inflatable date later!"

This is my first submission and I wanted to make sure everybody gets it, okay?

Funny Cunny

McGrattan denies that he is a chicken

Jason McGrattan in latest promotion

St. George, NB - Jason McGrattan is fuming mad and for good reason. A lot of opponents had labelled the big forward as a chicken, one handle he vehemently denies. "I snagged a job with a big chicken company that will remain nameless, and they got me to wear a suit. If anybody wants a piece of me to find out what I'm all about, slip the blades on and let's dance," said McGrattan in an exclusive Voice interview.

It's official: Hockey Voice makes changes in line up

Walsh and Cunningham affected by changes

Joe Walsh (hat on backwards)

Geoff Cunningham aka "Funny Cunny"

Bonny River, NB - The Hockey Voice, in its never ending quest to better entertain and enlighten its readers, has announced a line up change. Joe Walsh, formerly the Voice entertainment critic, has been assigned the head psychic job effective immediately according to Chris Richardson, the VP of Operations. "This had nothing to do with Matty Walsh complaining about Cunny's psychic abilities. It had more to do with Joe Walsh's impressive resume in the psychic field. Walsh will still be offering up his fine entertainment stuff as well until we find a replacement," said Richardson.

Geoff Cunningham, as noted the former Head Psychic, will move into the lighter side of things. Cunningham, more commonly known under his showbiz name "Funny Cunny," will contribute with jokes and funny stories. " A lot of the stuff Cunny was saying was really hilarious anyway, so we figured we'd make it official," added Richardson.

McFarlane completes Ratz comeback

Ratz player of the game Greg Justason and game winning scorer Rick McFarlane

The Bonny River Ratz scored four goals in the final stanza and downed the St. George XXX 5-3 in Fundy Industrial Hockey League action Tuesday night. Ratz forward Rick McFarlane scored with just over five minutes remaining to put the Bonny River Ratz ahead after they had spotted the XXX a 3-2 midway through the final frame. Greg Justason netted a third period hat trick for the Ratz and Andrew Moffitt potted a single in addition to McFarlane’s lone but huge marker. The goaltending was outstanding at both ends as Warren Giesbrecht gained the victory and Nick Ganong suffered the loss. Jason McGrattan, Scott Matheson and Jamie Ross provided the XXX with their offense.

After the game Ratz Captain Joe Stevens was cautious to not beat the collective chests of his squad. “Not to sound too cliché, but this game could have gone either way. They had plenty of opportunities to ice it and our goalie shut the door. Ganong was also steady and kept them in it until we scored the empty netter. We really needed Greg Justason to step up and step up he did. McFarlane’s goal may very well be the biggest of the year so far. Ratz don’t usually get Christmas presents but we’ll take this one,” added a very philosophical Stevens.

In other FIHL action, the Blackland Twisters scored late in the third to come even with the Fundy Kingfishers only to see Kingfisher Eric Jean sink them in the shootout to grab the win by a 6-5 score.

Walsh: "Taylor was sensational, a true treasure!"

Joe Walsh reviews Taylor's set at the BRHRC

Mark Taylor at Bonny River Hard Rock Cafe

Yep, I had my stomping boots on and man, did they get a work out. I sat as everybody did with extreme anticipation and joined in with crowd's cheers, "TAY-LOR, TAY-LOR, TAY-LOR!" Taylor came out in true Taylorodian fashion with a fast paced version of Everything is going wrong (The Sexy Bax Song.) He started out and let the crowd sing the now famous opening line, 'Hey, who's that screwing the Rat?, Oh no, it's that Sexy Bax!" He never even let up and went straight to the very seasonal but appropriate Christmas in Charlotte. I was glad it wasn't snowing as I thought the roof would blow off the joint when he sang Ballad of the Big Show. I sat and waited and knew that some of the other big hits would follow and I wasn't let down. Taylor grabbed the mike a said a few words and it was back to business again. "That bastard's parents were married" with his soft melodic tone was enough to bring tears to a glass eye. Then, the short set was finished off with Hero of Husky Balls and the crowd exploded. He left for a few minutes and came back on stage. Then, without any hesitation out came "Walking by a bridge." My stomping boots took hell as did the floor. If you've never seen a Mark Taylor show, I suggest you get out of your cave and get to one.

I'm Joe Walsh, Hockey Voice Entertainment Critic.

Ganong "rattled" about tonight's game versus Ratz

XXX Star goalie Nick Ganong late Monday at team headquarters

St. George, NB - Nick Ganong met with reporters late Monday to discuss his team's next game versus the Bonny River Ratz. "To say I'm rattled is a bit of an understatement. I just hope Santa comes early for me this year. When I read that the Kingfishers shut down Taylor Sunday night, I could feel a big lump in my throat. That scoring machine always breaks out whenever that happens and I just happen to be in net for his next game. I just hope the boys play well in front of me tonight."