Cheers to Wayne, the Ultimate Friend and Teammate

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It is never easy to talk about bad things. We all go though it in our lives. At the time, it is not always easy to remember the good times instead of focusing on the terrible things that are going on at the time. A dear friend of a lot of us, Wayne Barrett, passed away this morning and I thought it would be a good time to talk about some of the good things and good times we had with Wayne. I don’t have the space to put ALL the good stuff in, but will try to condense it a bit.

Wayne was a founding member of the Bonny River Ratz. He was a big part of the culture of the Bonny River Hockey scene. He was one of the roughest and toughest ones who got together with mostly Bonny River boys on Sunday nights to drive somebody into the next planet and smile all the time you’re doing it. Don’t get mad, get even was the motto.

We took this rag tag team of friends and formed the Ratz and took our show on the road to the annual tournament in Rothesay and Quispamsis. We called it (aptly) the BIG SHOW. Right to the last conversation I had with Wayne last week, he was still talking about the BIG SHOW. I wrote a tune to play for him and had to do an encore before leaving.

The talk around in 2006 was to start our industrial league and when asked, Wayne, said, “Let’s get ‘er going!” Wayne was an integral part of the Ratz with his never say die and never back down attitude. One time at the BIG SHOW, a guy said to Wayne, “I hope you’ve got a dental plan.” Wayne, without any hesitation told him he complete Blue Cross and wasn’t too worried about it anyway. That is the Wayne rolled. He told it like it was and if you couldn’t handle what he was laying down, too bad.

Wayne was the epitome of what we wanted the Ratz to be – a hard exterior that would go to the wall for friends and teammates with a soft interior that would never hurt your feelings on purpose.

We all knew Wayne was in the battle of his life and were aware of it at all times. It is at a time like this that we become aware of our own defenselessness against the much stronger and larger foes in life that we face. Wayne never gave an inch to his enemy in life, sports or when brought face to face with cancer. We will all miss him dearly and hope that the peace he now has will be a relief to the suffering he has been dealing with for a long time.

God bless Wayne and his family. We will never forget you.

Stevens and Buchanan Appointed to Police Force

Nick Ganong with Homies

Constable James "Jim" Buchanan

Constable Joseph "Joe" Stevens

Bonny River, NB - In a move that many call "desperate," Sheriff Johnny Borthwick has appointed two new recruits. Joe Stevens and Jim Buchanan were sworn in Saturday at a ceremony in Bonny River. Recent reports of gang wars and gang presence in the area had residents worried about their safety.

Constable Joe Stevens met briefly with reporters and noted, "There have been a lot of gang related poeple coming in and we felt that we needed to beef up security. Nick Ganong and his gang were getting very vocal about their plans and this is a reaction to that."

Constable Jim Buchanan added, "When you have mobsters from places like St. Stephen talking trash all the time, it is totally unacceptable. We as a community will not tolerate it. This is serious."

Cunningham Tries to Look Hot for Summer of 2009

Walsh Tells Hoffman "Take a Year Off"

Matty Walsh Goes to Meeting with Chris Hoffman (Sitting with Cups on his Gut)

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh delivered some news to Chris Hoffman that appears to have put his career on ice for this winter and maybe more. Hoffman, who has ballooned this summer, was told by Walsh that his services would not be required unless he was entertaining the thought of backing up goalie Jamie Harris.

Hoffman, the self-professed "Donut Shop Cop of the FIHL," said, "I suspect somebody will want to belly up to the bar and take a chance on me. I still have lots of hockey and coffee in me and could help somebody in some sort of a role. I still maintain I can help the Kingfishers but will not subject myself to the massive press coverage by the Hockey Voice and keep this thing public. Taylor and the rest of them idiots can all piss off." "

Bling is the Thing

Hill Has Amazing New Invention

Chris Hill (Front) with Buddy

Blacks Harbour, NB - The name Chiller Enterprises may not catch you eye right now, but if Chris Hill has his way, it will be everywhere soon. Hill, the President of Chiller Enterprises, has invented the "Lazy Bastard Lawn Mowing System." Hill noted, "Me and my buddy were having a beer before I mowed the lawn and I sat on the front of his 4 wheeler. He started it up and drove ahead and as they say, the rest is history. Ryan MacDonald has offered me a $1,000,000 for the patent. I figure if he's offering that, it must be worth a lot more. Pardon the expression, but I'm sitting on it for a while. Increase the peace."

Research Program Under-Funded According to Stevens

Joe Stevens Accepts Donations for Research Program

Hoffman and Harris Voice Displeasure with Hockey Voice

Jamie Harris, Chris Hoffman and Family Give the Voice the Finger

Blacks Harbour, NB - Jamie Harris and Chris Hoffman said "they are sick of all the crap that the Hockey Voice shovels on a daily basis." In fact, Harris noted, "There is hardly ever anything that is truthful in it. It's nothing but a pack of lies. Richardson said they passed a truth audit or something. Geez, a drunk monkey could see it's all bullshit."

Hoffman said, "I borrowed the lie detector test from the police station and took it down home for the weekend. I took it around and got some tests done with the Hockey Voice staff and the Chief told me I ruined it. They have never had readings like the ones I got. I've had to cut out all my coffee and donuts to pay for it."

Walsh and Richardson Talk Habs While Taylor is on "Break"

Chris Richardson
Matty Walsh with Invisible Legs

Bonny River, NB - Chris Richardson and Matty Walsh felt that while Hockey Voice Editor Mark Taylor was "away" it was time to talk some Habs. Richardson noted, "I see where Chris "Knuckles" Nilan got nabbed for stealing a pair of swimming trunks. What is with these guys? They are always ripping stuff off. If they're not stealing purses (no offense Matty) in Florida, they're stealing Leafs GM Brian Burke's really good ideas. Every time I see them clowns play, and the announcer says one of them stole the puck, I say - yeah and what else did they swipe?"

Matty Walsh noted, "I see where Tom Kotsopoulos signed with the Hurricanes. What a joke. The only guy with any balls on the team and they let hm go. He had twice as many fights as Laraque and they signed that goon. If this team doesn't pan out, I think Gainey should leave the team and take the new guys with him and start up a midget wrestling team."

Matheson Balloons in Off Season

Scott Matheson Belts Out "You Shook Me All Night Long"

St. George, NB - In a very private meeting, XXX Team GM Jason McGrattan expressed his concern over the workout regime of star player Scott Matheson. The two met behind closed doors Tuesday after the Hockey Voice obtained a photo of Matheson doing some AC/DC tunes in a very unflattering outfit. McGrattan stopped briefly but noted, "Scott said he is going to light beer and salads and should be back to his playing weight by the time the puck drops this fall. I just wish you could do something around here without the Hockey Voice reporting on it. It's the off season but it never stops. Surely there must be something happening somewhere beside what we are doing."

Rat Race in Back Bay Draws Crowd

L to R - Claudie Barrett, Carl Chambers, Jason McFarlane, Mark Taylor, Greg Justason, Kyle Leslie

Back Standing - Joe Stevens and Shawn Monaghan

Sitting on bed - Wayne Barrett, Pat Fitzgerald, Corey Leslie

Back Bay, NB - The Bonny River Ratz came calling on teammate Wayne Barrett late Monday night. The Ratz, with a host of fans, were on hand to wish Wayne all the best and share stories and laughter from days gone by. Also on the bill was the world debut performance of Mark Taylor's latest tune, "Ballad of the BIG SHOW." Taylor was accompanied on guitar by Pat Fitzgerald.

Check out Wayne's brush with fame in the Saint Croix Courier this week. Wayne received a call from Larry the Cable Guy last week and the full story appears in the Courier.

Walsh Says No More!

Walsh: "I've Been Taking Way Too Much Crap from People!"

Matty Walsh Operates his Portable Toilet Business

Women of the World Get Unexpected Gift

Pudge and God Come Through

Walsh: "The Chad is Very Versatile!"

Yeah, it's the Chad. The Chad.

Stevens Being Held in Deer Hunting Probe

Joe Stevens Snags Deer

Bonny River, NB - Nobody at Hockey Voice headquarters or Bonny River Ratz headquarters are answering questions on the status of Joe Stevens. A report out of Dept. Natural Resources revealed that Stevens has been nabbed for allegedly snaring deer by hand. A gentleman photographed wearing work gloves appears to be Stevens. All calls to Stevens are not being returned.

Stay tuned for further developments.

Hockey Voice Gives out Valuable Advice

Kingfishers to Hold Team Family Day

Picture Taken at 2008 Kingfisher's Family Day

(Jamie Harris in middle, Matty Walsh far right)

Blacks Harbour, NB - Jamie Harris and Matty Walsh have planned a busy weekend for the Kingfishers. Harris met with reporters late Thursday night to discuss the matter.

Harris said, "Last year's party was such a big success we thought we'd do it again. We're having games for the kids. We're having stuff like goalie rides and pig rasslin'. We're having tanning lessons for all the ladies. WE also anticipate some participants in the bare knuckler competition for some of the guys. Everybody likes to have a few and chuck the knuckles and we are no exception. Good times are on the way."

Richardson and Walsh "Worried" About Hockey Voice Editor

Wayne Barrett and Mark Taylor Celebrating Leafs Nation

Bonny River, NB - The Hockey Voice VP of Operations guy Chris Richardson issued a very brief but concise statement early Friday morning. Richardson noted, "I have spoken to Matty Walsh and we are both in agreement that perhaps Mark Taylor has finally gone over the edge. When a picture of him wearing a Leafs jersey surfaced last night, I feel it is my duty to step in and run things for awhile. Matty will assist me in this what we hope is a very short period of time."

Walsh was met at Hockey Voice headquarters and offered, "Something has to be done. Taylor must be overworked or something. I realize he was visiting with Wayne and maybe wanted to cheer him up, but c'mon, man. A Leafs jersey? Richardson and I will be sharing the top dog duties for awhile and we have given Mr. Taylor some much needed time off. The Hockey Voice will continue to report the same 100 % factual stories complete with untouched photos. Stay tuned for further developments."

Barrett Gets a Call from a Very Famous Person

Bonny River Ratz Star Wayne Barrett

Celebrity Calls One of His Biggest Fans

Back Bay, NB – It is extremely rare for most people to get to see one of your heroes in person. It is even more uncommon to have your hero actually pick up the phone and call you, but that’s what Wayne Barrett experienced last Wednesday. The caller ID showed an unfamiliar area code and Wayne’s wife Allene took the call and handed the phone over to her husband. Wayne has long been involved in the guiding of American hunters and figured this must be one of his old pals calling. Much to his surprise, the caller was none other than comedian Larry the Cable Guy. Of course, like anybody else, Wayne was sceptical that maybe somebody like Mark Taylor was pulling a fast one on him and he was not going to be duped easily. Wayne attended Larry’s show at Harbour Station and after some preliminary talk, Larry let out his signature saying, “Git-r-done!” and Wayne knew this was the real deal. Anybody can say it, but everybody knows there’s only guy who says it right.

Wayne has been battling cancer since late 2007 and there have been many peaks and valleys during that time and to have a person like Larry call makes for a very high peak. He is a founding member of the Bonny River Ratz and has toiled for the rodents in the old Bonny river Hard Puck League, tournaments and then the FIHL. Always a big supporter of the Ratz, Wayne came down last season to offer up advice and support to his old teammates. It was quite a contrast as it was he who needed the support more than the team, but it shows just a snippet of Wayne's character and his devotion to being a team player no matter what lies ahead of him personally.

Larry indicated that Patty Borthwick had contacted him and told him about a very devout and loyal fan that was having a hard time and needed a lift. Larry provided much more than he probably realized as Wayne beamed from ear to ear. They talked about the show in Saint John and Larry has assured Wayne that if and when he comes back, he will get together with Wayne back stage. In the meantime, the Blue Collar guy took his address down and promised to send him something to hold him over until that time.

Wayne’s mother June said after he hung up, he burned up the phone lines calling friends to tell him of his conversation with Larry. June said, “Wayne has his CD’s and DVD’s and can dress like him too. I was amazed that a guy like him would take the time to call but I guess it just goes to show what kind of a man he is. It is something none of us will ever forget.”

As the two prepared to hang up, Larry offered the advice, “Wayne, remember you can crack your knuckles, but don’t crack your nuts.”

Stevens Takes First and Third in Local Hide and Seek Competition

Joe Stevens on the Podium Saturday

Bonny River, NB - Some hide and seek fans called it the "best performance in years." Joe Stevens took off Saturday morning and wasn't found until after dark Saturday night. Dressed in camo pants and carrying a few extra lbs., Stevens managed to stay out of sight all day. The judges said that Stevens' feat was so great, they awarded him first and third prize.

Second place finisher Jim Buchanan did not show up for the photo shoot at the end. A spokesperson for Buchanan said that he "was very distraught over the defeat." Buchanan was found on a path hiding behind a big rock. He tried to fool the seekers by telling them he was a a tourist that got lost.

Stevens now goes onto to the tryouts for the 2010 Winter Olympics Canadian Hide and Seek Team. The tryouts will be held in Whistler in late August.

Richardson Makes Big Announcements

Hockey Voice VP of Operations Chris Richardson Just Before Press Conference

Bonny River, NB - The Hockey Voice's #2 guy Chris Richardson met with a gang of reporters late Tuesday night and had a few big announcements. The Hockey Voice, according to Richardson, just passed with "flying carpets" a very thorough audit of its material.

Richardson noted, "The people that came in and went over the Hockey Voice are the same ones who know how they put the caramel in Caramilk bars, just so you know. They found that everything that was published was completely accurate and I think they may have found one spelling error. This just goes to show you that we at the Hockey Voice are very credible and the readers should know this if they don't know it already. Yes, we are real."

Richardson also revealed a huge giveaway coming soon to the Hockey Voice. He said, "As you know by the site counter, we are approaching our 10,000th hit on this site. Just to show our appreciation, we have made a substantial investment in rewarding the 10,000 visitor. You could win an all expenses paid two week vacation with $10,000 US spending cash to anywhere on earth. You could win a 2010 Viper. You could win a year's supply of Pal-O-Mine bars. You could win a $2,500 gift certificate from Down on the Wall Promotions. There are other prizes to be possibly added to this. Stay tuned."

Ganong Wins Pimp my Bike Contest

Nick Ganong just after taking top honors

McMullin Hopes to be Returning Next Season

St. George XXX Star Matt McMullin

Stevens Joins Hockey Voice Officially

New Hockey Voice Insider Joe Stevens

Bonny River, NB – Thank you for all your support as I get acquainted with everybody at the Hockey Voice and gradually get my feet wet. Everybody except Geoff Cunningham has been very supportive of the move.

I don’t know if any of you kids have ever successfully put together a jigsaw puzzle or not. If you have, then I’m sure you will appreciate what Bob Gainey is doing with the Montreal Canadiens. He has tore down some of the old barriers that have held them back and appears to be well on his way to another Stanley Cup next June. I really can’t see anybody stopping them.

I am terribly sorry that Geoff Cunningham got let go from this position at the Hockey Voice and now it is my job, but he was not doing his job and this stuff happens. From what I can piece together, Cunny is losing his mind. He really believes what he says and that’s too bad. He was a pretty bright guy at one time, and now look at him. He’s baked. He’s talking about the Leafs and how they are building a strong team. Brian Burke couldn’t build a button for a shithouse door.

McFarlane Breaks the Silence

Ratz Star Jason McFarlane

Stevens Magic Genie Turns into Disappointment

Joe Stevens with New Pet

Bonny River, NB - For the second time in less than a year, a local person has found a magic genie and unlike many in the past, this one grants only one wish. Joe Stevens found the bottle in the river last Saturday and is now sunken with disappointment. A very shaken Stevens met with reporters late Monday and noted, "I actually read about Matty Walsh's magic genie and you'd think I would have paid more attention but I just blurted out my wish and now I guess I'm stuck with it."

Matty Walsh Shows off his Magic Genie Wish

Blacks Harbour, NB - Matty Walsh says he "feels for his old friend," but said that he should have paid heed to the dilemma he was faced with when he found a magic genie. Walsh said, "The genie tells you that you only have one wish and I guess in the excitement, you just lose it. I know what Joe is going through. I could have been on Easy Street now, but instead I have this giant cat that eats food like a horse. The good news is there's not a mouse within miles of the house now."

Walsh Meets with Investors/Buyers

Cunningham Speeds Away from Reporters

Geoff Cunningham, Mahat Majacket and Matty Walsh

Blacks Harbour, NB - After several failed attempts to secure the Bonny River Ratz hockey team, it appears Geoff Cunningham has switched his attention to the Fundy Kingfishers. The Hockey Voice has obtained confidential documents that reveal Cunningham along with private investors and Walsh have held meetings to discuss the matter.

When contacted by the Hockey Voice, Cunningham offered, "Mr. Mahat Majacket has been a long time friend of mine. We did talk to Walsh and actually had our picture taken together. I'm guessing this is where the Hockey Voice is getting its information. Once again, a story has been broken by the Voice that may be based on some trace of truth, but has been reported as being 100 % factual. If I needed any shit from Taylor, I'd squeeze his head."

MacQuarrie Used to Rock Hard in Ontario in the 70's

Mike MacQuarrie (Far Right) with Old Buddies in the 70's

Joe Walsh Taking Orders for Deer Drags and Watches

Joe Walsh with Revolutionary Product

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - Joe Walsh owns the only hunting camp in Toronto and has been granted exclusivity in the sale of the new product called, "Deer Drag." Walsh said, "I am the Canadian distributor and would like to let the boys know I can get them deals on these bad boys. They make a great Christmas gift or birthday gift for your wife or girlfriend. Just let me know and I'll fix ya up. Also, anybody that needs a good cheap watch, needs to get a hold of me. I got it going on."

Richardson Leaks Out Player Information

Bubbles, Chris Richardson and Matty Walsh at Ratz Summer Camp

Bonny River, NB - Chris Richardson said "he didn't mean to," but released the name of a player the Ratz have been seeking for quite some time. Richardson noted, "I was so overwhelmed to meet a screen legend that I got carried away. Plus, Matty Walsh was there and you know he wasn't gonna shut his trap. Bubs may be taking the place of Andrew Moffitt but Moffitt has to understand, this is not a game, it's a business. I was playing on a line with Bubs at camp and we got along really well. He's a digger for sure. He's a little concerned that the name of the team might scare his kitties too."

McGrattan "XXX Players Having a Wild Summer"

Jason McGrattan in Toronto with Joe Walsh and Jamie Harris

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - Jason McGrattan took time from his vacation in Toronto to talk to reporters. He was visiting Joe Walsh's Urban Hunting Camp where foe Jamie Harris happened to be staying as well. McGrattan said, "It seems the boys and I are having a wild summer. I have never seen anybody saw up watermelon with a chain saw. Joe and I were having a few and he jumps up and pulls the cord and tells me to grab a watermelon and follow him."

Matt Hall at his Recent Wedding

Also, McGrattan addressed the current situation with Matt Hall who apparently got married recently. The Hockey Voice obtained a wedding picture and revealed it to a very shocked McGrattan. McGrattan noted, "I am still trying to find out who he married. I have spoken to a lot of the players on the team and nobody knows anything at this time. All I can say is I hope he's happy and wish him nothing but the best."

Cunningham Gets One Last One In

Geoff Cunningham and an obvious Mats Sundin (#13) late Wednesday

Bonny River, NB - By stating that he technically had one more Hockey Insider story to do, Geoff Cunningham submitted what is supposed to be his last one in this portfolio. Cunningham met with reporters at his house Wednesday night and was in the midst of what appeared to be a huge Christmas celebration. He noted, "We're all pretty buzzed here but here goes. The Leafs have made some huge moves this off season. They have brought in a guy named Orr for shit's sake. What more can I say than that? They got Komisarek from the Habs and now I think he's gonna be the next Aki Berg. They now have Gustavsson in net to compete with the perennial Vezina candidate Toskila. Burke says he's not done yet boys. In my view, there's no reason this team can't compete for 11th or 12th spot in the conference."

Walsh Hands Out Advice to Marathon Runners

Ganong and Stevens Appear to be Headed Toward Gang War

Joe Stevens with Homies
Nick Ganong (Back) Head to Bonny River Wednesday Morning

Joe Walsh Charged with Assault After Episode at Wedding

Joe Walsh Delivers Big Hit at Friend's Wedding

Toronto, Ontario, Canada - Joe Walsh's legal issues seem to be getting worse. The troubled Hockey Voice columnist has been charged with assault after laying a big hit on a lady at a friend's wedding. Walsh has released a statement - "I recall Taylor telling me that if I see somebody coming right in the tracks with their head down, do not miss the chance to deliver the hit. This girl had a drink in her hand and was looking down at it. I spied this from the other end of the hall and took about five big strides and cleaned 'er. If that's assault, then they oughta do something about the criminal code then. I got my hip into her really good and she went flying. Shit, I even bought her another drink and asked her if she wanted to stink up a room."

Cunningham Accepts New Position but Sounds off About the Voice

Geoff Cunningham Outside Hockey Voice Headquarters

Bonny River, NB – In the second part of the re-organization of the staff, the Hockey Voice announced the assignment of Geoff Cunningham to full time head psychic. Editor Mark Taylor said, “Geoff’s experience with the paranormal has been instrumental in giving the Hockey Voice instant credibility with his amazing predictions.”

Taylor refused comment on why the Hockey Insider portfolio was taken from Cunningham and given to Joe Stevens.

However, Cunningham was caught leaving the Hockey Voice headquarters and offered, “This whole thing is political. I have been making some comments to Taylor about the Leafs re-building and the Habs apparent demise. He didn’t like it and decided to give the job to a more Habs-friendly guy like Stevens. To call this announcement bullshit would be like calling the Habs trash. I don’t care. I’ll keep doing my psychic thing and have fun. We’ll see how Stevens does.”

Hockey Voice Announces Changes

Stevens Joins Hockey Voice as the New Hockey Insider

Joe Stevens with Pictures of his Hockey Heroes in the Background

Bonny River, NB - Effective immediately, Joe Stevens has joined the Hockey Voice as the hockey insider. Stevens brings several years of hockey experience and expertise and should bolster the publication's wide coverage of hockey and non-hockey topics.

Stevens met with reporters late Tuesday and offered, "I am flattered that I have been selected for this post. Ever since I first saw the Hockey Voice, I hoped that one day I'd be in it and that has happened. Now, to become a member of the staff, I'm happier than a pig in the tank of Hannan's Septic Service."

Stevens assumes the role formerly held by Geoff Cunningham, who will remain with the Hockey Voice as the Head Psychic.